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How to Cut the Crap

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LAist would like to send you and a guest to see Clam Lynch's "Cut the Crap with Clam," on stage at the Steve Allen Theatre through the end of the month. Working with director Russell Bates (video director for Nirvana, Soundgarden, Sebadoh, Mark Lanegan and Sunny Day Real Estate), Clam Lynch is finishing up his run teaching us all how to succeed.

Do you want to change your life, but you don’t know where to begin? Are you ready to realize your own “special specialness”? Is it time to set achievable goals (like getting out of bed, for example)?

Clam® is here and ready to lead you on this important journey. Clam Lynch has teamed up with acclaimed director Russell Bates to help you make enormous strides in personal growth and self-discovery without any of the annoying pain and hard work.

Whether you’ve been sleeping under a bridge downtown or in the back seat of your Mercedes S350, Clam understands your situation, and he’s an authority on relieving the burden of excess cash overflow. Or underflow! Or whatever!

Clam focuses on results. So you don’t have a home, a car, a job? Get one! It’s as simple as that. Well, no it isn’t, really, because then you wouldn’t need this seminar. And you do need this seminar! You need to get down here and learn about practicing Happy Joy Bottom and Eating Brown.

Clam wants to help you, so that you can help Clam help you help him.

Clam’s dynamic program is going to get you out of the trunk and into the driver’s seat on the highway to success.

Clam is 58% sure that this seminar will in all likelihood change your life.
If you and/or your guest would benefit from such motivational fare, enter below to win tickets to Clam's final performance next Wednesday, July 27th:

Fine Print: Affiliates of LAist (and any other -ist sites) and Fanscape are not eligible to enter. Entries received by 6 PM PST on Monday, July 25th, 2005 are eligible to win. Contest is open to Southern California residents, age 18 or older. The winner will be notified via e-mail.