Sex Week: Best Sex Scenes in Movies

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Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures

It's the week before Valentine's Day, and you know what that means! Angry anti-consumerists, miserable jilted lovers, and of course, a smattering of (choke) happy people. But no matter your current romantic status, LAist is here to help you get yours. We proudly present Sex Week, starting with the best sex scenes from movies. Ladies and gentlemen, ready your right hands, and enjoy!

With that pesky, couples-oriented, Hallmark holiday just around the corner we thought we'd help our readers get into the spirit with a fun little exercise we like to call, "Best Sex Scenes in Movies." It's certainly no secret that sex sells and the opportunist in us couldn't pass on the chance to plug it. After hours of exhaustive but thoroughly entertaining research, we compiled a list of the top ten scenes that fit our bill. From those that inspire the heart, to those that arouse the senses, we feel confident there will be something for everyone in our collection. (Please be warned that our content may not be suitable for anyone under the age of eighteen or safe for work.)

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Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures

The Best First Kiss Scene in a film has to be the groundbreaking smooch heard around the world between John C. Rice and May Irwin in The Kiss. While the scene is only a few seconds long and strikingly demure by twenty-first century standards, it was the first kiss ever publicly shown on film. Without this bold first step in filmmaking, we would likely be unable to enjoy the sex-capades of some of today's most talented screen sirens, like Denise Richards (Wild Things) or Paris Hilton (One Night in Paris).

Moving on to our favorite category, Best Male Nude Scene, we have to give kudos to Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights whose performance answers the age-old question, "Is that a prosthetic penis in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" While we didn't want to cave into the most obvious of sexually exploitative of films, we couldn't gloss over the very memorable scene at the end that reveals all of Diggler's talents. Some may say that size doesn't matter, but in this scene size goes a very, very long way.

The Best Female Nude Scene in recent years doesn't belong to a single scene, but a series of nude scenes in the film Gia, starring the world's most in-demand woman, Angelina Jolie. If you played a drinking game to this film where every minute of nudity called for a shot, you'd be toasted in no time.

This brings us to another in-demand actor whose recent violent outbursts have populated the headlines of publications left and right. The Best Self-Sex Scene goes to Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. This may be an odd choice given the number of films with masturbation scenes, but this scene is so self-involved and over-the-top chauvenistic, you can't help but chuckle. As Bateman engages in sexual acts with two prostitutes, he's so engrossed with his appearance in the mirror that he finds himself more pleasurable than his present company. His calculated poses and constant flexing only add to the "get over yourself" factor.

Anyone who has ever watched a David Lynch film has likely come out scarred in one way or another and Blue Velvet is no exception. The Best Uncomfortable Sex Scene that comes to mind and still haunts us to this day involves Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) and Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) engaging in oral sex in a dark room. Unsettling, disturbing and highly unusual, this is a scene that is hard to swallow (no pun intended) no matter how you view it.

Another memorable scene in a movie that will stick with us forever comes from eighties cult classic, Say Anything. Starring John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler and Ione Skye as Diane Court, Say Anything follows all the ups and downs of the awkward stages between adolescence and adulthood, including first loves and inevitable first broken hearts. While the boom box scene is unquestionably romantic, the scene that we love and that takes the cake for the Best Teenage Sex Scene involves Lloyd and his lady love Diane in the back of a car on a cold, starry night. It's an emotional, touching scene that captures the essence of innocence lost.

Of course we can't write about best sex in films and not include Brokeback Mountain, with a lover's tent serenade that's so shockingly believable it easily deserves the title of Best Gay Sex Scene. The late Heath Ledger plays the quiet, introspective Ennis Del Mar who is the object of affection for outspoken Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal). Tension builds as these two handsome leading men are forced to work together over one summer in the wilderness, and it all culminates into a unexpected sexual explosion that's not often seen on the silver screen. Two thumbs up for the cinematography and superb acting in this one as well.

Sex, by nature, can be unintentionally funny, but with Team America: World Police, funny is how the directors aimed to please. The Best Comedic Sex Scene comes from the hilariously creative minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone and includes a snapshot of scenes between two puppets making love. The irony here is that the puppets have no genitals, though that doesn't seem to stop them from experimenting with wacky positions. The ridiculous dialogue and sound effects in this scene up the comedic ante making this scene very deserving of its title.

Wrapping up our top ten are the least romantic and most romantic sex scenes. The title of Least Romantic Sex Scene has to go to the controversial quickie between creative writing student Vi (Selma Blair) and Mr. Scott (Robert Wisdom), her perverted instructor in Todd Solondz's Storytelling. Racially-charged and borderline hardcore pornographic in content (let's just say that the scene gives new meaning to the term doggy-style) the dominance asserted from both characters is shocking to say the least.

For Most Romantic Sex Scene, it's hard to ignore the chemistry between lovers in The End of the Affair. Based on the Graham Green novel of the same name, the story follows Sarah Miles (Julianne Moore) a married woman who falls for emotionally unstable Maurice Bendrix (Ralph Fiennes). As they hold hands and stop many times on their way home to make love together for the very first time, they have the look of utter and absolute adoration in their eyes. The love scene that occurs thereafter pulsates with an intense, undeniable passion that will leave you wanting more.

There you have it! Sit back, relax, and enjoy one of these top ten gems soon and you just may find yourself suddenly more in-tune with the reason for the Valentine season. And if you think we've forgotten anything, please list your favorites below!