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Review: Chocolate

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Please do this to anyone with that haircut and shirt, any time, any place. Photo courtesy Magnet.

More than likely, it's been a while since you've seen a kung fu movie. There were the Jackie Chan years, the Crouching Tiger times, but those are largely gone, and true martial arts ass-kickery is for the most part missing from American cinema houses. Why is this? Has the general skill level gone down? Is Parkour, the French fast feet phenomenon, leg-sweeping the populace? Is that too many feet references in one sentence? The answer to all of these questions is: maybe.

But no matter the reason, you owe it to yourself to sit down in a theater and watch a solitary fighter take on an exorbitant amount of faceless villains. Groin kicks, knees to the face, jumping off stuff / ducking under stuff; sometimes you just need it in your life, but you don't feel like talking shit to a bouncer to get it. In times like these, it's best to plunk down a few bucks and leave the bone crunching, bad dubbing, choppy editing and outlandish plots to the professionals. Or, in the case of Chocolate, you can leave it up to a little asian girl who's autistic, but isn't afraid to tell henchmen what time it is. Here's a hint: it's you-got-your-ass-kicked-by-a-mentally-challenged-girl time. Trust me, it's even better than it sounds.