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If ever there were a date to debut an expensive almost-sure-to-be-crap comic book sequel film, it would be June 15th. It's the summer, so kids are out of school and looking for a movie to waste their allowances on. It's PG enough that parents can take their youngest. And it's just hot enough in middle America and the South that anyone without an air conditioner will be looking for a dark theater to kill a few hours. Fortunately, we have a decent zombie flick to rescue us film-folk from the summer CG scrap-heap.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Following in the footsteps of 2005's god-awful "Fantastic Four", comes "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer". Of all the comic book movies in all the world, this one seems to draw the most ire from fanboys. Sure, "Catwoman" and "Elektra" were abominations, but those characters didn't have the iconic status in the Marvel universe that the FF team hold. "The Silver Surfer" storyline is one of the best in comic book history, but it doesn't look like they'll be doing it justice. I'm praying they get it right this time, but I've been hurt before (I'm looking at you, "Daredevil").
So, what positive things can say about this film? Um, Jessica Alba, despite being a terrible actress, looks really good in spandex. The director (Tim Story) also directed "Barber Shop". That dude that played Pan and the creepy eye-hand guy in Pan's Labyrinth (Doug Jones) did the motion-capture work for the Silver Surfer. Regardless, pretty much nothing will get me to see this movie in theaters, and I'm a pretty big comic book geek. Despite that, I'm sure it'll bring in decent numbers based on the ubiquitous ad campaign.
DOA: Dead or Alive - Finally, another video game movie...Tecmo's fighting game about busty, attractive women kicking each others trim, well-sculpted asses sold extremely well (and the gravity/bounce physics engine was phenomenal). Now DOA, an action film about busty, attractive women kicking each others trim, well-sculpted asses comes to the big screen. How this managed to avoid a direct to video release is beyond me.
Eagle vs Shark - Blame "Napoleon Dynamite". Ever since that film's giant Sundance success, followed by its subsequent popularity in damn near every demographic, people think weird set coloring and social-misfit protagonists are the sure way to land some easy cash. This time it might actually be a good film though. Two outcasts fall in love by picking on old high school bullies and playing video games. With Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) in one of the lead roles, this could actually have some decent humor.
Fido - In a 1950's era world, zombies are a part of everyday life. The living have developed a device (like a dog collar) to keep the undead in check and basically turn them into personal pets/attendants. Billy Connelly plays Fido, a young boy's pet zombie. Things go wrong, Fido eats someone and it turns into a creative play on the standard "boy and his dog" story. Color me interested.
Nancy Drew - The mystery-solving teen is back for a feature length film. You probably recognize the new Nancy Drew's (Emma Roberts) giant smile. That's because she can call Julia Roberts her aunt, and they share the same set of gigantic chompers (Ah, Hollywood nepotism). The studio is hoping bankability runs in the family.
