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Morning After Report: 90210 Episode 11 'That Which We Destroy'

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Ladies and gentlemen, if you need but one reason to watch the updated 90210 allow me to give one to you: No other prime time drama offers such probing insight into the world of high school lacrosse.

And if that doesn't do it, how about cat fights, new and old?

We pick up this week exactly where we stood last week, on the porch of the ballooned and be-ribboned Wilson home, where Annie's Sour Sixteen became the scene of a totally awkward family reunion for Annie, Naomi, and their bastard half-brother Sean.

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Besides having a bit of a drawl and wearing military garb, here's what you need to know about Sean, courtesy of the true Wilson matriarch, drunk and inappropriate Grandma Tabitha: "Roman coins would melt with envy" over Sean's handsome mug, he has the Wilson nose but it's somewhat less "schnauzy," he is "one of those 'patriotic Americans'" you may have "heard so much about," and in order for her to tell people she is 54 she will have to tell people she birthed Principal Dad at age 11 so that he could provide the sperm for the now 25-year-old Sean when Principal Dad was 18 (sheesh, math for the truly vain is hard!). Grandma also helps us discern that "pig in a blanket" is indeed not Kansas-speak for something unspeakable. God I love Grandma. So happy she's all over this episode like a drunk at happy hour. Literally.

Oh, but back to Sean. Bottom line, he's cute, he's young, he's an interloper, and he is getting a lot of attention.