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Morning After Report: 90210 Episode 3 'Lucky Strike'

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We learned a lot about Los Angeles last night as viewers of the CW's semi-retooled teen sudser 90210. First, we learned that no one--and we mean triple underline, eye roll, like duh no one--does "family night" in this city. It's just way uncool.

We also learned that kids who live in Beverly Hills have cheating fathers who overcompensate for their shortcomings by buying their teenage daughters (who look like they are 40 with Shirley Temple curls) Mercedes-Benz SUVs, but no matter that they flake on big weekend plans to take said progeny to Vegas, said progeny will still want to pick up some Nobu for them for dinner and hand deliver it to their office.

We also learned that it's way better to bowl in another county, but more on that later.

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But before you shrug your shoulders and say "Sounds like a great life, sign me up!" let us remind you that this is a television drama, and ergo, there will be drama. Things are not all sunshine and roses at West Beverly Hills High, even when bowling turns out to be kind of fun after all, your friend can screen you "the new Bond movie" before it's out, and the Hollywood Bowl has concerts all year long. There are clouds on the horizon, and no, they do not have silver linings; but if your name is Silver, you just might have an alcoholic mother. Get it? Sigh. It's hard to keep up. Let us help you.