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Stars, they're just like us: extremely predictable. In the very buzzy GQ profile of Brad Pitt that dropped Wednesday, Pitt just can't help himself from embodying every reformed-Hollywood-bad-boy cliche there is, from singing the praises of homemade matcha green tea to recounting family strife aboard a private plane. Read on for a full roundup of the profile's most stereotypical-L.A. celebrity moments, which we've helpfully translated into your very own Bingo game.
Affinity for homemade, healthy, antioxidant beverages: Check. (Pitt is "making matcha green tea on a cool morning.")
Primo L.A. real estate: Check. (Pitt lives in an "old Craftsman house in the Hollywood Hills.")
Other, better homes outside of L.A: Check. (Pitt also has places in New York, New Orleans, and, of course, the requisite "château in France.")
Pampered pet with dignified name: Check. ("Today the place is deeply silent, except for the snoring of his bulldog, Jacques.")
Youthful, regular-guy hipster garb: Check. (Pitt wears "a flannel shirt and skinny jeans that hang loose on his frame.")
Carbohydrate aversion: Check. (Pitt "doesn't touch" a plate of Starbucks pastries on the counter.)
Evangelist-like zeal about the aforementioned homemade matcha green tea: Check. ("You're gonna love this," he says, handing me the cup.")
Unsubstantiated connections to a cooler celebrity from the past: Check. ("It's said Jimi Hendrix wrote "May This Be Love" out in the grotto [of Pitt's home].)
Family drama and an ensuing PR crisis: Check. (Extra points for the drama in question—an altercation between Pitt and one of his sons—taking place "on a flight to Los Angeles aboard a private plane...")
A personal crossroads leading to an identity crisis: Check. (Pitt is "a father suddenly deprived of his kids, a husband without wife," which could also double as the logline for pretty much every movie that's ever been made, ever.)
A daily ritual that seems designed to be captured in a close-up: Check. ("I get up every morning and I make a fire. When I go to bed, I make a fire, just because it makes me feel life.")
Humble, religious beginnings in the Midwest: Check. (Pitt grew up First Baptist in Springfield, Missouri, "surrounded by cornfields—which is weird because we always had canned vegetables. I never could figure that one out!")
Cheerful objectification of an African stranger, taken as a reminder to *live in the moment*: Check. ("I've never heard anyone laugh bigger than an African mother who's lost nine family members. What is that? I just got R&B for the first time. R&B comes from great pain, but it's a celebration. To me, it's embracing what's left. It's that African woman being able to laugh much more boisterously than I've ever been able to.")
Fondness for self-analysis: Check. ("I went through two therapists to get to the right one.")
Commitment to sobriety tested by luxurious temptation: Check. ("I mean, we have a winery.")
Trite maxim about love that sounds like it should be delivered directly into camera: Check. ("There's no love without loss. It's a package deal.")
Casual A-list director namedrop: Check. ("I crashed over here [in Santa Monica] a little bit, my friend [David] Fincher lives right here. He's always going to have an open door for me, and I was doing a lot of stuff on the Westside, so I stayed at my friend's house on the floor for a month and a half.")
Avoiding the Hollywood spotlight to do an honest day's work with your hands: Check. ("I'm making everything. I'm working with clay, plaster, rebar, wood. Just trying to learn the materials.")
Dog-nuzzle break in the middle of the interview: Check. ([Jacques interrupts, nuzzling])
Getting really in touch with your feelings: Check. ("I don't know, I guess it's back to feeling. I think I spent a lot of time avoiding feelings and building structures, you know, around feelings. And now I have no time left for that.")
