An Unscientific Ranking Of All The Dodgers Clubhouse Nicknames

On August 25, Major League Baseball will unveil its first ever "Players Weekend," in which players will wear newly-designed jerseys that bear their (supposed) clubhouse nicknames across the back, as well as a patch on the sleeve that, according to mlb.com, "features a new logo that shows a progression of five players increasing in size to demonstrate the process of a player's path from Little League and youth leagues to Major League Baseball." Heavy stuff.

Ostensibly, it's a celebration of the players and, by extension, the love of the game as experienced by many a Little Leaguer who begrudgingly take to the field on Sunday afternoons as dictated by their parent's own strive for personal glory. But, to be honest, it's largely a reason to sell more jerseys that incorporate some new and arbitrary design element.

But hey, the nickname part is fun! Some we're already aware of, like Enrique "Kiké" Hernandez (whenever he steps up to the plate I like to say, "Looks like it's time for Kiké's Delivery Service"). There's also Yasiel "The Wild Horse" Puig, as coined by Vin Scully himself (though we would have also accepted "Your Friend"). Some we weren't so aware of: Andre "Daddy" Ethier?

Our favorite, though, has to be Chase Utley's. Ever since his hair's turned a snowy hue, he's been labeled as a "Silver Fox." In case you weren't in the know, a "Silver Fox" is usually a middle-aged (and sometimes above) gentleman who is deemed to be exceedingly handsome. Arguably, the king of all Silver Foxes would be Anderson Cooper, whose hair looks like something that's been described in a Robert Frost poem. Glamour has a list of their favorite Silver Foxes here, and you can dress up as one courtesy of Amazon.

A quick glance on Twitter shows that Utley has plenty of admirers who'll keep the Silver Fox fire burning:

Perhaps Glamour should have done their homework and slotted Utley (who's 38 and a Long Beach native) somewhere between Aidan Quinn and Matt LeBlanc.

Anyway. Here's a very unscientific ranking of the all the Dodgers' nicknames. What we've discovered is that the best ones are often based on animals ("Logie Bear"), and while you can make some passable nicknames by combining your first and last names ("B Mo" and "Maeken"), it's just way too lazy when you're slicing your last name in half (we're looking at you, "Kersh").

1. Chase Utley: Silver Fox
2. Logan Forsythe: Logie Bear
3. Yasiel Puig: Wild Horse
4. Adrian Gonzalez: El Titan
5. Pedro Baez: La Mula
6. Andre Ethier: Daddy
7. Cody Bellinger: Cody Love
8. Austin Barnes: Sam (Note: this one's just funny to us for some reason)
9. Justin Turner: Red Turn 2
10. Kenta Meada: Maeken
11. Kenley Jansen: Ma’Montro
12. Enrique Hernandez: Kiké
13. Brandon Morrow: B Mo
14. Yasmani Grandal: YRG Jr.
15. Alex Wood: Woodman
16. Joc Pederson: Dizzy
17. Chris Taylor: CT3
18. Rich Hill: Brice
19. Clayton Kershaw: Kersh