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College Football Listings Week 1: FOOTBALL!!!!

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Not a child fucker nor a creepy hog-riding adulterer can diminish the excitement of a new college football season for me. Hell, not even the biggest cartel this side of Medellin named the "NCAA" can suck the joy away.

It's college football, and small towns across the country will transform into the epicenter of their state. Stadiums and the adjacent parking lots are the Saturday block parties that will end in either pure joy or near suicide.

Unlike the professionals, one loss, especially towards the end of the season, can cost a great team a chance at the BCS Championship. History rides on every pass, every down, every fumble.

USC has a chance to achieve a rare feat: to win a championship while on probation and scholarship reductions. They return nearly everyone from their team last year and are led by Matt Barkley who is a near shoe-in for the Heisman Trophy.

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One thing that can stop USC from becoming the first team since Texas in 2005 to be a non-SEC team to win the BCS trophy is the depth. With the scholarship reductions, the Trojans cannot afford injuries.

Then there is UCLA who managed a win in Houston against Rice on Thursday for Jim Mora's first win as head coach in Westwood. Despite that, the Bruins are still the Bruins. Unlike last year, they will not win the Pac-12 South by default. They're just not good enough.

So here is the schedule for the first college football Saturday of the season.

Notre Dame at Navy. 6:00 a.m. CBS.
Buffalo at Georgia. 9:00 a.m. KDOC.
Marshall at West Virginia. 9:00 a.m. FX.
Appalachian State at East Carolina. 9:00 a.m. FSWest/Fox College Sports Central.
Western Michigan at Illinois. 9:00 a.m. ESPNU.
Ohio at Penn State. 9:00 a.m. ESPN.
Northwestern at Syracuse. 9:00 a.m. ESPN2.
Troy at UAB. 9:00 a.m. Fox College Sports Pacific.

Richmond at Virginia. Noon Prime Ticket.
Nevada at California. Noon Pac-12 Network.
Southern Mississippi at Nebraska. 12:30 p.m. ABC.
Tulsa at Iowa State. 12:30 p.m. FSWest.
Bowling Green at Florida. 12:30 p.m. ESPN.
Miami at Boston College. 12:30 p.m. ESPN2.
Colorado at Colorado State. 1:00 p.m. FX.

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Jackson State at Mississippi State. 4:00 p.m. FSWest.
North Texas at LSU. 4:00 p.m. ESPNU.
Auburn at Clemson. 4:00 p.m. ESPN.
Savannah State at Oklahoma State. 4:00 p.m. Fox College Sports Central.
Hawaii at USC. 4:30 p.m. FOX.
Rutgers at Tulane. 5:00 p.m. CBS Sports Net.
Alabama at Michigan. 5:15 p.m. ABC.

Arkansas State at Oregon. 7:30 p.m. ESPN.
San Diego State at Washington. 7:30 p.m. Pac-12 Network.
Toledo at Arizona. 7:30 p.m. ESPNU.
Oklahoma at UTEP. 7:30 p.m. FSWest.

Bold indicates LAist pick