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5 Things I Learned at Kevin & Bean's April Foolishness
Tim Minchin. Photo by Alex Rauch.
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On Saturday, April 7, World Famous KROQ personalities Kevin and Bean brought together a group of goofy dudes for a jocular night of laughs at The Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City. With all ticket sales benefiting the Wounded Warrior Project and Cedars-Sinai Maxine Dunitz Children’s Health Center NICU, Kevin and Bean’s fourth-annual April Foolishness was a sold out affair. The blithesome evening included nonstop hilarious antics, potty humor and funny stories. No topics were really off limits, as the comedians seemed to address everything from racism, abortions, midgets, Mexicans, Nazis, God, the French, Mormons, homosexuality, drugs, the late Whitney Houston and Larry King’s wife. Below is a list of things I learned from the foolishness.
1) Danny Tanner Was Not Gay
Bob Saget, who played Danny Tanner on "Full House" from 1987-1995, sang on an acoustic guitar with a little help from Uncle Jessie. Sung in the tune of Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way," this parody might have more substance than the original version, considering LA Weekly determined what exactly it was that the popular boy band really wanted, sort of. Still, I can’t help but think Saget didn’t really have anything funny to add to the show. He seemed to just "be Bob Saget" on stage for 15 minutes, which some people might say consists solely of being completely unfunny and "compensating" by being a jerk. He spent roughly 85% of his set calling girls "sluts" and threatening to beat up a photographer, then aggrandized himself and his endowment before breaking into song with John Stamos.
2) Larry King Is A 78-Year-Old Rockstar (And His Wife Is Pretty Hot)
Larry King is the man! Although his childhood story was kinda boring, he made up for it by bringing out his trophy wife for all to admire before sending her backstage. King claims he's a “78-year-old rockstar,” but these days, the most rebellious thing he seems to do is stay up past his bedtime. It’s okay, Larry. We’re still jealous of your suspenders.
3) Every Time You See A Rainbow, Little Man Brad Williams Is Having Sex
"You'd be surprised at how many midget chicks I have sex with," claimed Brad Williams, before cycling through various humping motions. He made it very clear he has plenty of sex despite his dwarfism, and every time you see a rainbow, that should serve as an indicator that at that moment, Brad Williams is somewhere getting it on. We totally buy it, too, as he proved his womanizing skills to the sold-out crowd by giving KROQ personality Lisa May a lap dance to Lady Gaga's "Poker Face."
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4) Tim Minchin Loves Boobs
Yes he does, and he writes clever little songs about them to prove it. If you have a chance to catch his live show, you must. Minchin might have been the most talented performer at the event. His humorous piano odes delight, he boasts a great voice and he's damn good at piano. Minchin even performed a free show at Amoeba Tuesday night.
5) Eddie Izzard Is A Genius
Eddie Izzard has some interesting stories about civilization, creation and the death of Latin, and I honestly feel he was perhaps the funniest performer of the night. While others had beer spilling from their noses during Williams' unfunny physical, literal humor, Izzard's jokes were more intellectually provoking. Yet, because of his set length and position as closing comedian, some of his jokes may have flown past some audience members.
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