Americans are stressed about the elections. How to talk to your kids about it

A survey by the American Psychological Association finds about 7 in 10 Americans say they’re stressed about the presidential election. And while they can’t vote, kids are also feeling that stress.

Jessica Borelli, a clinical psychologist and a professor at UC Irvine, says she’s been hearing the elections come up with the children and teenagers she works with in her practice.

“I hear worry about how their parents are going to feel. I hear stress about conversations at school, arguments that are happening on social media, division amongst groups of friends,” she said. “As much as it's in the air for adults… it's also in our kids’ minds.”

Talk to children, rather than shy away from it

Experts say it’s important for parents to talk to their children about how they might be feeling.

“A really good first step would be to try trying to figure out what is going on with your kid. What are they hearing? What are they thinking about the election? And using that as a launching pad to start a conversation,” Borelli said.

She added that parents can also use the opportunity to talk to children about the elections and election process, depending on their age. (Sesame Street has an Election Day episode. There’s also a kids book called “Duck for President.”)

It can also be a good time to talk about the core values as a family, said Daniel Knoepflmacher, vice chair of education in the Department of Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine. “This is a tremendous opportunity for learning and for instilling the important values that you have in your family.”

And while it might be hard to talk to children about things that are unpredictable or out of your control, there are ways to talk to children about them.

“[You can say] ‘If we don't get what we want, we also can get over that and come up with new plans, and that's what we're going to do — we’re going to work together and find out new solutions,” Borelli said.

Knoepflmacher echoes that sentiment and said it’s important for parents to focus on hope and faith with their children, and remind them of the concept of resilience.

Monitoring what parents say and feel

Borelli said it’s important for adults to monitor what they’re saying and how they’re feeling about the election, as children can often misconstrue what they overhear.

“A lot of adults are making extreme statements,” she said. “For example, saying things like, ‘If the election goes in a certain way, I'm going to move to Canada,’ or, ‘Our whole country is going to implode’… statements that children don't understand that are really more meant to express an emotional state than a factual state.”

Borelli said that can be frightening for children, adding that when those statements are made, parents can walk back their statements and explain why they said it.

“‘[You can say] ‘Sometimes because I care so much, I say something like this, but it doesn't mean that we're actually going to do this or that — it just means that I'm saying something like this because I have strong feelings,’” she said.

Making sure parents are grounded

Experts say kids are like sponges and pick up on a lot of things, which is why it’s important for parents to take care of their own anxiety and mental health.

“It's kind of like flying on an airplane when they talk about the oxygen masks. You first have to put on the oxygen mask for yourself so that then you can help your child,” Knoepflmacher said.

Borelli said strategies can include meditation, limiting media consumption, taking walks, and listening to calming music.

“Children's mental health and their emotional state is pretty inextricably linked to parents,” she said.