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For you LA denizens too busy clawing your way up the “Y” of the Hollywood sign, impaling your souls on the spire of the Capitol Records building, or tending bar at the Saddle Ranch, weeping during smoke breaks, your political apathy is understandable. The LA Weekly (LAW) understands too. On the heels of their bound and bountiful “Best of LA” issue, the LAW keeps on kicking out the jams with their action packed “Holy Shit You Better Vote for John Kerry You Apathetic Dolts!” issue. And God bless those hard working, ink-stained saints.

For those who lack even the time to even read the endorsements, here’s a further distillation of the LAW’s distillation of who and what you should vote for in that booth next Tuesday. Humbly, for you, an LA election day chronicle of Received Progressive Political Ideas (see: democracy’s shit-fire-flame in the name of good… woops, no… the Left… yeah, that sounds right):

Vote for Kerry but realize that he’s truly no savior. But, please do flinchingly vote for him because Bush is a Medusa figure, his administration being the evil snakes sprouting from his head.

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Oh and there’s a bunch of local measures, initiatives and officials to vote for too, because, you know, despite the fact that the President can addle the constitution, kill countless innocents abroad and dismantle your civil liberties (to name a few), you have a state and a district with some very clever people and issues on the ballot.

If you're not sure what district you're in, find out here. So don’t fight the LAW on Tuesday, let the LAW think for you!