Support for LAist comes from
We Explain L.A.
Stay Connected

Share This


Bored With LA

LAist relies on your reader support.
Your tax-deductible gift today powers our reporters and keeps us independent. We rely on you, our reader, not paywalls to stay funded because we believe important news and information should be freely accessible to all.

Mark Ganek, a transplant from Illinois, is a playwright in LA and writes a column called "The Cultured Savage" on Orkut.He's overcome his boredom with LA long enough to develop "The Los Angeles Universal Conversation Generator (patent pending):"

Person 1: So, I like went to [shopping establishment] to find [trendy item]. But when I got there, they were totally out. So instead I got this [comically ugly trendier item]. Don't you love it? Person 2: Oh my God, I saw [vapid C-list celebrity] wearing that at the [Generic Award Ceremony/Celebrity Circle-Jerk].

Person 1: Did you hear that she [comment indicating I have no personality and simply repeat what I hear on E! instead.]

Person 2: I know, and then [likewise].

Person 1: Yeah, I totally think that [comment indicating my brain contains only a rusty hamster wheel, but due to cost-cutting measures, the hamster has been replaced by a picture of a hamster.]

Person 2: Yeah. [Silence indicating I have forgotten what we were talking about because I was distracted by a reflection of myself in a mirror.] Totally.

Bystander: I'm going to shoot myself in the face.