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When Mother's Day Is Hard We Have Some Tips For You

A person holds a small child near a big body of water. The sun's glare washes out the images
(Matt Hoffman via Unsplash)
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It's Mother's Day which, like a lot of holidays can be joyous, and stressful, and even saddening.

There's no question relationships between children and their mother can have complicated dynamics. As one caller to our newsroom's public affairs show, AirTalk, pointed out last week, mothers and aunts can sometimes be "the biggest critics" of girls.

"Sometimes the mothers poke and prod of the daughters to the point that it creates psychological trauma," said Andrea from Torrance. "And the very daughter who they're trying to bring confidence and make other people love, unfortunately does not love herself."

Psychologist Joanne Koegl says that many mothers, like everybody else, have trauma from their own childhood.

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"So many mothers have internalized the family belief, and know no other way of being," Koegl explained.

She said that it's important to take the time to "unpack" this kind of generational baggage. Mother's Day can also be especially tough if you're a mom who has lost a child or your own mom has died.

Koegl said if that's the case, you can find ways of honoring the person you've lost.

"Often, you know, society doesn't want to speak about someone who's passed away. And we really when we lose somebody, we want to keep them in our memory, and we want to talk about them," she said.

She recommends doing something active, such as cooking their favorite meal. And if you're supporting kids who have lost their mother figure, Koegl suggests introducing them to an activity from your own childhood, allowing them to share that happy memory with you.

In Culver City, Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary is holding its annual Mother's Day Remembrance Service.

The program includes rabbis from Temple Israel of Hollywood speaking on mothers and memory and closes with a Mourner's Kaddish, the Jewish prayer for the dead.

So if this is a tough day for you: sending a little love from us to you.

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