The Politically Incorrect (But Real) Reasons The Bears Will Win The Super Bowl Today

This was supposed to just be a reminder to sign up for the Super Bowl contest before kickoff, but I may as well tell you how I came to my prediction of Bears 41, Colts 16 with Devin Hester running for 170 yards.

Let it be known that I am not a psychic or a medium or seer or anything, I'm just a mild mannered American man who watches way too much football and hates that LA hasn't had a team since the Raiders went back to No Cal.

The Bears will win, heavily, for several reasons, the most obvious should be the weather. Look at it there. That's Bears weather.

Didn't you see those playoff games in Chicago? That was the most torn-up, unprofessional, sloppy, disgraceful field I have ever seen for a playoff game. I've seen football games played on baseball fields that were in better shape than the "new" Soldier Field last month.

The Bears discovered that to get a real home field advantage it was in their best interest to create an environment that most teams wouldn't have experienced before. The slop was one reason that the Bears were able to create mayhem on New Orleans two weeks ago.

The field in Miami will be beautiful, but once the rains come, watch the Bears create fumbles and run the quick slant routes over the middle that Grossman isn't afraid to throw.

The second reason is because this is the Super Bowl of the African-American coaches and in that competition, Lovie Smith clearly wins as he is the more African-American. He's blacker, has a cooler name, and he speaks with more soul.

Hate on me all you want, but I'm just keeping it real. Lovie's blacker, Bears win.

Also, Lovie's blind mother is going to be at the game... listening.

Bears win, you heartless bastards.

Then comes the defense. The Bears D is not only far more dominating, when they're on, but ask yourself this simple question -- can you name one player on the Colts defense?

Bears win.

Then comes Devin Hester. If he returns even one punt or kickoff or INT back for an interception, that's all the spark the Bears have seemed to need to pump up the team. Hester, from the U., back in Miami, on the biggest stage, will shine.

Bears win.

Lastly comes the Rex Factor. Now I don't know about you, but I play a lot of craps. And one of the basic rules of craps is to bet on the guy with the hot hand.

Peyton and Dungy have cold hands. Warm hearts, but cold hands. They cannot win the big game. Plus they're facing the luckiest quarterback in the history of the NFL in Rex Grossman.

What does the man say? "I'd rather be lucky than good."

Only a lucky man would be able to survive a 0 QB rating and make it to the Super Bowl and only be a 7 point dog.

The Bears defense are ruthless thugs pissed at the world and derived from evil.

Their quarterback smokes pot but will focus up enough for a few hours today to win the game, in this, his first real season.

These are the days of fairy tales. Female speaker, black president, dumbshit rookie qb wins it all. I wouldn't be surprised if Rex Grossman doesn't win MVP.

top AP photo of a Bears fan by David Duprey, AP photo above of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony by Chris Polk