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Size Queen Falls For Below-Average Sized Drone

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The following is written by my roommate who would like to stay anonymous for obvious reasons. Our friends always say that our "girl talks" should be in LAist or somewhere, so my roommate took me up on the dare to explain how she returned from Big Bear after a weekend with a Little Johnson and a huge smile.

Ladies: have you ever been so excited about finally hooking up with your dude, that you’re actually TOO excited to be/get wet? Y’know, ‘cause maybe you haven’t seen each other in a long time, or you’re still getting to know each other, but you both are TOTALLY realizing how into each other you are...or maybe you’re both just really in love...well, this brings me to the issue of size, ladies (and gentlemen.)

Now, I have been accused of being a shameless size-queen in the past, believe it or not – my girlfriends like Staci actually marveled at the size of the dildo I had at one point and compared it to my stature (I'm barely a size 2). But I remind them that I have also been with amazingly awesome lovers who were NOT hung like horses, but they never want to talk about them. WELL THEY SHOULD!

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Like right now, I’m all totally into this guy who happens to be simultaneously the smallest AND the biggest dude I’ve ever been with. As in he’s this husky, hulking, gi-normous behemoth of a dude, and he just drives me completely batshit outta control...when I hear his voice I start melting...and when I get to finally BE with him – fuhgedaboudit! I’m so excited it literally takes, like, fifteen minutes once we finally get into bed, to calm down enough just so’s I can stop admiring his hugeness and start getting down to business.

He also happens to be big everywhere except below the belt. He actually made a small comment about it at one point, (haha! no pun intended!) when we were together recently after a long separation, because he was all like, “Dude – we need some lube...” and it was clear he felt kinda bad about his “being small”.

So I was all, "DUDE! As if!" I had to explain that I'm such a geek that I was literally TOO excited over finally being naked in bed with him for a WHOLE weekend, that I was quite simply too distracted to focus!

Anyway, once we handled the issue of my A.D.D., well - lemme tell ya - that boy ROCKED my world all night long! And the best part? Okay, let me change that to: a GREAT side benefit to the whole thing? Duh! NO soreness! No being so swollen it TOTALLY hurts to pee! Yay for ONLY pleasure and NO pain! Keep it coming, baby!

Yeah, for reals, people! It's not a size thing, duh! It's a smell-touch-feel-sound-rock-my-rhythm -and-tickle-my-blues-swallow-me-whole-and-wrap-me-up-to-GO, baby!!! thing.

Use it...use it all...and use it well, gentlemen. If a woman likes you, it doesn't matter who she has been with in the past or even the recent past. Whatever you have will be wonderful. Ignore the monster dildo looming over you in the corner and hehe even ignore it if she doesn't get wet right away. Just be with her and know she wants to be with you. That's what counts... mmmmmm hmmmm!

"Lift Off" by Aussie Gall