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Renee Zellweger is Cuter Than a Sack of Used Buttholes aka LAist Elina's New Years Resolution for 2007
I have decided to take a new approach to writing film reviews in 2007. No more feeling obligated to see and write about Important Hollywood Crap.
C'mon, are there actually any LAist readers who care about that shit? I figure if people want to read that stuff they can open the LA Times or the Weekly and read film reviews by someone who probably cares about things like oeuvres and mise en scène and didn't sleep through every film history course they ever took.
Instead, I am going to focus on weird little (or big) films -- sex, horror, a bit of the old ultra-violence -- and I am going to either adore them or despise them. But either way I plan to have a lot of Strong Opinions. Opinions that will make people angry. Opinions that will make people dislike me. ( Lady in the Water is the most humble and profound movie of the year! Renee Zellweger is cuter than a sack of used butt holes! Cute talking animals make my penis hard!). Opinions that will be outrageous and poorly written but might get me quoted on movie posters.* I will be a drunken cowboy machine-gunning bon mots into the soft, fleshy underbelly of insightful film criticism.
Up with films like Idiocracy, Jesus Camp and What Is It?. Down with anything that doesn't feature...
A) a chiseled, semi-naked man emerging from the surf
B) a sexy, bikini-clad siren emerging from the surf
C) a human heart being eaten
D) Maggie Gyllenhaal
That's my resolution, and I'm sticking to it.
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Right now, LAist has lost $1.7M in annual funding due to Congress clawing back money already approved. The support we receive from readers like you will determine how fully our newsroom can continue informing, serving, and strengthening Southern California.
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