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This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.

This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.

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Pocket Protector

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While in San Francisco a couple months back a couple of friends cornered & showered me with handfuls of condoms. Then they made me sit through Larry Clark’s 1995 film, Kids. Their point consisted of the fact that maybe I am prone to sexual relations with strangers when I get incredibly, obnoxiously drunk, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was making AIDS jokes on the drive up from Los Angeles. Regardless of their reasons, I became the woman with 25 condoms hanging around loosely in her purse. I looked like Sally Slam Pig. The second any man caught a glimpse into my hooker handbag he’d know for sure that I was a douche bag or that I already had the AIDS. PRECAUATION. PRECAUTION. PRECAUTION.

Since then I’ve been doing some research on a more acceptable, versatile & efficient way to carry and conceal condoms. As fun as fishing through 47,000 condoms in order to find your keys sounds, it’s generally a pain in the ass. Enter Just In Case, Inc. they provide these nifty compact carrying cases in assorted colors to conceal condoms. They make an excellent gift for a vast array of your friends from the mild-mannered to the completely licentious. With the holiday season steadily approaching you might as well place a bulk order and save your friends from a New Year filled with herpes and HIV.

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