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Living in Sin: Not a Nympho
Jen Sincero is a musician, sexpert, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts a weekly sex talk radio show called Dr. Happypants on killradio.org.
Living in Sin is her weekly advice column for LA's sexually curious, confused and constipated. Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet (all questions will be posted anonymously).
Dear Jen,
My boyfriend works seven days a week and lives about an hour away from me. On the days when he's not too tired, we have some of the hottest sex I've ever had, but those days are few and far between. And the problem is, once I get some, all I want is more! I've been taking care of myself more than ever - I sometimes masturbate three to five times a day. Am over doing it? Am I a nympho for wanting it so much? How can I keep him from falling asleep on me? We've talked about it before and he said he was gonna try to please me more, but it still hasn't happened. What should I do?
Having really hot, regular sex dangled in front of you, just out of reach, is like trying to eat just one potato chip or stop after that first free hit of crack. The main difference being that most of us choose to leave the bag unopened in the latter two scenarios, but hot sex, from a known source, with proven skills - are we made of steel here?! (That's it with the crack references, btw. It's so passé, I know, and I wrote about it last week too. WTF?!)
You are not a nympho, you're just really turned on. And in general, there's nothing wrong with lots of masturbating, as long as it's not getting in the way of holding down a job, maintaining meaningful relationships, or driving safely. Here's the thing though: it's getting in your way. Sex, just like junk food and drugs, can be a crutch, a quick fix that distracts you by focusing all your energy in one direction, energy that could be very useful to you in other ways.
As any good hippie knows, your sexual energy is housed in your second chakra, alongside creativity, morality, and money (meaning they all pull from the same energy source). If you don't work on finding some balance, you could wind up witless and hump happy, telling terrible jokes and stealing to support your battery habit. You'll also drive yourself and your boyfriend nuts, because as long as you obsess over it, you'll never be satisfied, and every morsel he tosses you will merely fuel your fire. Don't get me wrong - a healthy, shame-free sex drive brings a tear of joy to mine eye, but it's all about balance, Grasshopper. Channel some of that energy into other areas of your life.
As far as Mr. Gonna Try is concerned, I'm unimpressed. Relationships require time and energy, and he doesn't sound like he's putting much of either into yours. Has he ever taken a day off to spend time with you? Are you really in love with him, or is that just your clit talking? What has he done for you lately? Unless his workaholic phase is temporary, or he really is your Holy Grail of love, why not choose someone who's actually available, who wants to share his wakeful hours, love of sex, and zip code with you?Got a question for Jen? Ask her.
Previous Sins.
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