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Let Them Eat Candy: The Call for a Trick Or Treating Revolution

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I ask you, ladies and gentleman, is there anything better than trick or treating? Is there anything more sublime than getting into costume, grabbing a pillowcase and taking to the streets in a search for free candy? I’m going to be bold enough to say that Trick Or Treating is the most joy-inducing, yet wholesome, activity on Earth and one of the great pleasures of being an American. But this pleasure, this delight, this euphoria, is ripped out of our lives when we reach an adult age. For some reason it is deemed inappropriate for an adult, or for even some unfortunately large teenagers, to go Trick Or Treating. Why, my fellow Angelenos, why? This ageism has to stop. This cruelty has to end. Which is why I am calling for a Trick Or Treating revolution! Say it with me now, “Let us eat candy!!!”

Now, I know what you are thinking. The “mean”, “nasty” older kids, or even bold adults, who trick or treat always ruin it for the little ones; the cute six year olds get trampled and cry and their whole magical night is ruined. And you’re right, some of us big ones can be rude and pushy. I’m not down with that. This revolution isn’t about taking a great tradition away from kids, it’s about giving it to all. Why should my fun end at sixteen? Adult life is sad and harsh enough. Halloween is the one night of the year when everyone lets their inner-child run free. So why should it be stopped from running free on the streets?

Continue reading about the Trick Or Treating Revolution after the jump!

There are some rules, of course, if we adults want to be able to Trick Or Treat. It's all about being a giver AND a taker. Here's the way it goes:

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1. Don't be greedy. If you want to Trick Or Treat, get your ass to the market or Costco and buy some Halloween candy. Proceed to hand this out to kids between 5:30 PM to at least 6:30 PM. Also when you return from your round of Trick Or Treating, you should still man your door and continue handing out candy. If you acquired any candy that isn't to your taste while on your run, please put these in your hand out bowl and give them to kids. It's called recycling people!

2. Don't spend more than one hour Trick-Or-Treating. Again, it's all about understanding that as an adult we can have fun while still being considerate of other treaters. If you are out all night, than treaters passing by your house will lose out. That's no good. But if you are only gone for an hour, you can have your fun and still give back to the community.

3. Never push aside little kids. That should be obvious but just in case...NEVER PUSH LITTLE KIDS! Unless there's only one Twix bar left... then, and only then, is it fair to fight to the death.

4. Always be polite. Say "thank you" to everyone who is kind enough to fill your pillowcase with candy. Note that I said "candy" and not "raisins."

5. Always wear a costume! You can't expect candy if you aren't entirely embracing the spirit of the holiday. But make sure it's a family-friendly costume. Going as "Filthy Whore" or "Dong Man" would not be appropriate.

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6. Respect Karma. If adults should stop by your house, of course give them candy. Don't look at them like they are crazy assholes. No, quite the opposite. These adults should be applauded for their chocolate-loving balls!

That covers the basics. It's mainly about using common sense and being respectful. As long as adults don't ruin it for kids, and can nicely coincide with them, I really don't see why they should be banned from Trick Or Treating.

I hope that all those adults reading this, who may decide just to stay home and hand out candy on Halloween, will please gladly hand out candy to any adult Trick Or Treater who comes by. The revolution won't be televised, but it will begin October 31, 2007. And if we can take a stand, and show that adults can have fun too without ruining Trick Or Treating for the kids, we might just change the world--or at least an American Tradition--for the better. I'll be hitting the streets, and I hope to see you there.

photo by dchrisoh via FlickR.