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You'll never eat lunch in this town again. | Photo courtesy of Magnolia Pictures

Before Live Aid, Farm Aid & Chef Aid came The Secret Policemen's Ball - which made the mold for the benefit concert, broke it, taped it back together, and ran with it. With a wealth of British comedy (including The Pythons, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry & Rowan Atkinson) and musical virtuosos (Pete Townshend, Sting, Eric Clapton & Phil Collins in then-unheard-of "unplugged" performances) donating their talents for Amnesty International, the show & tie-in albums, films & tapes, became a phenomenon - both in Britain (where Secret Policemen's Balls are still organized regularly) and America (where it became a smash for newly-minted Miramax Films). Despite this success, and a handsome DVD boxset marking its 30th anniversary this year, The Secret Policemen's Ball is nigh impossible to see in its original, uncut form. Thankfully, the Egyptian Theatre plays host to these "mockers & rockers", their rarest of outtakes and, for the truly dedicated, an 11-hour marathon of 1986's Conspiracy of Hope, Amnesty International's all-music spin-off event with more amazing performers than can be contained in this article.

Tired already? Kick back at LACMA with smooth jazz courtesy of film archivist Mark Cantor & Playboy. If you've read the articles, you know they know talent. If you haven't, it's a free event, so get to it! Then keep those jazz hands on stand-by at the Hammer & the Skirball Center; both feature more modern dance, classical choreography & Broadway performance than you can tap, snap or clap at! Both those events are free as well. And if you want to save even more money, check out Food, Inc. at the Nuart, after which you'll never want to eat anything ever again.

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Full list appears below. See you at the movies!

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Fame! I'm gonna live forever! | Photo courtesy of PBS

All Week
The Art of Being Straight (2008) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3)
Dim Sum Funeral (2008) (Laemmle's Playhouse 7) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
Food, Inc. (2008) (Nuart Theatre)
Kabei: Our Mother (2008) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3)
Rough Aunties (2008) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
Table for Three (2009)(Laemmle's Sunset 5)
Tetro (2009) (The Landmark)
Unmistaken Child (2008) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
Which Way Home (2009) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
A Wink and A Smile (2008) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)

Thursday 6/11
All Inclusive (1PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Beetle (2008) (5PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
The Best of Feelings (9:45PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Bye Bye Birdie (1963) (Aero Theatre) (Irving Brecher Tribute)
Camouflage (2009) (2:45pm) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Dances With Films Festival)
Departures (21+ Screening) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Divided (2009) (5pm) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Dances With Films Festival)
Drag Me To Hell (2009) (21+ Screening) (Arclight Sherman Oaks)
Edgar Allen Poe's Annabel Lee (2009) (World Premiere, 9:30pm) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Dances With Films Festival)
Eli & Ben (2007) (7:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
The Green Dumpster Mystery (2008) (5PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
I'm Gonna Explode (3:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
I've Loved You So Long (2008) / Gomorrah (2008) (New Beverly Cinema)
Lake Tahoe (7:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
On The Move (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Playboy Jazz on Film (w/ archivist Mark Cantor) (Free Event) (LACMA)
Rebirth (Part 2) (2008) (7:30PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Remember The Secret Policemen's Ball? (2004) / The Secret Policemen Rocks! (2009) / The Secret Policemen's Rare Nuggets (2009) (w/ Neil Innes & Martin Lewis) (Egyptian Theatre)
Sex, Love & Sprockets: Pat Rocco's Small Gauge Films (w/ Pat Rocco) (Echo Park Film Center)
Sunflower (2006) (Korean Cultural Center)
Sveener and the Schmiel (2008) (7:15pm) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Dances With Films Festival)
Teo's Journey (6PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Country Teacher (2008) (Nuart Theatre)
Vashti Bunyan: From Here to Before (2008) (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre) (F is for Folk Series)
Waltz With Bashir (2008) (10PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Zrubavel (2008) (9:45PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)

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Friday 6/12
40 Days (5PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Airplane! (1980) / Top Secret! (1980) (w/ directors David Zucker & Jim Abrahams) (Aero Theatre)
Aurora Boreal (1PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Best of Feelings (3PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Dinner at Eight (1933) / Grand Hotel (1932) (New Beverly Cinema)
Gunga Din (1939) (Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences) ("How Did They Do That?" George Stevens Lecture Series)
Hausu (1977) (Midnight Show) (Far East Funnies Series)
Le Cercle Rouge (1970) (LACMA) (French Crime Wave)
Love, Pain & Vice Versa (9:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Meet the Head of Juan Perez (7:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Motel Hell (1980) (w/ screenwriters Robert Jaffe & Steven-Charles Jaffe) (Midnight Show) (New Beverly Cinema) (New Beverly Midnights)
Pleasure At Her Majesty's (1976) / The Mermaid Frolics (1972) / The Secret Policemen's Rare Nuggets (2009) (w/ Neil Innes & Martin Lewis) (Egyptian Theatre)
Real Life (1979) (8PM) (w/ Bob Odenkirk) (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre) (Comedy Death Ray Series)
Salome (1923) (Old Town Music Hall)
Suspiria (1977) / Phantom of the Paradise (1974) (w/ actress Jessica Harper) (Steve Allen Theater) (Masters of Horror Drive-In Series)
The Thing (1982) (Art Theatre of Long Beach) (Mondo Midnights)
UHF (1989) (Regency Fairfax) (Insomniac Cinema Midnight Movie)

Saturday 6/13
36th Annual Student Academy Awards (2009) (Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences)
Another Egg Movie and a Chicken (12PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Bellboy (1960) / The Errand Boy (1961) (7PM) (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre) (Jerry Lewis: The Total Filmmaker Series)
The Dancing Room (1995) / Mary Anthony: A Life in Modern Dance (2004) (w/ director Tonia Shimin) (Free event, 2:30PM) (Skirball Cultural Center)
Dangerous Men (2005) / Mondo Mix Night (10:30PM) (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre) (Found Footage Freakout!)
The Desert Within (5PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Dinner at Eight (1933) / Grand Hotel (1932) (New Beverly Cinema)
For My Father (2007) (9:45PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Funny Face (1957) (w/ DJ Rob Sevier) (Hollywood Forever Cemetery) (Cinespia Screenings)
I'm Gonna Explode (9:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
It All Begins at Sea (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Jerome Robbins: Something to Dance About (2008) (w/ director Judy Kinberg and biographer Amanda Vaill) (Free Event) (Hammer Museum)
Lost Islands (2008) (7:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
The Mystery of Aris San (5:15PM) (2007) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Purple Noon (1961) / Elevator to the Gallows (1957) (LACMA) (French Crime Wave)
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (Midnight Show) (Nuart Theatre) (Cine-Insomnia Midnight Movie)
Rocky (1976) / Rocky Part II (1979) (Aero Theatre)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (Sins O' The Flesh Midnight Show) (Nuart Theatre)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (Midnight Show) (Warner Grand Theatre)
Pressure Cooker (2008) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex)
Resurrection of Eve (1973) / Behind the Green Door (1972) (Midnight Show) (New Beverly Cinema) (Grindhouse Film Festival)
Salome (1923) (Old Town Music Hall)
The Secret Policemen's Ball (1980) / The Secret Policemen's Other Ball (1982) / The Secret Policemen's Rare Nuggets (2009) (7:30PM) (w/ Neil Innes & Martin Lewis) (Egyptian Theatre)
The Seven Days (2008) (7:30PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Seven Minutes in Heaven (2008) (10PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Tear This Heart Out (2:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Teo's Journey (7:30PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Throw Down Your Heart (2008) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex)
Tripleplay: A Showcase of Short Films from the Students of Cleveland, Kennedy & Hollywood High Schools (2009) (1PM) (Egyptian Theatre)

Sunday 6/14
Adam Resurrected (2008) (7:30PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) / Captain Blood (1935) (Aero Theatre) (Errol Flynn Centennial Double Feature)
The Beetle (2008) (12:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Bruriah (2008) (7:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Conspiracy of Hope (1986) (Noon - 11PM) (Egyptian Theatre)
Dance Camera West: Dance Movies (2007-2008) (Free Event, 2PM) (Hammer Museum)
Eli & Ben (2007) (3PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Father's Footsteps (1PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
The Green Dumpster Mystery (2008) (12:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
All Inclusive (8PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Los Enchiladas (1999) / Mitch Hedberg Tribute Night (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre)
Insignificant Things (6PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
It All Begins At Sea (2008) (5:15PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) / Starman (1984) (New Beverly Cinema)
Lettres sur la Pont (2008) / Imagined hell (2008) (Free Event, 6PM) (Hammer Museum)
Lost Islands (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Love, Pain & Vice Versa (4PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Meet the Head of Juan Perez (2PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Old Thieves (12PM) (Hola Mexico Film Festival) (Arclight Hollywood)
Our Disappeared (Nuestros Desaparecidos) (2008) (2PM) (Skirball Cultural Center) (Latin Jewish Life in Film)
Out of the Blue (2008) (10PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Purple Rain (1984) (The Bay Theatre)
Salome (1923) (Old Town Music Hall)
Srugim (2008) (3PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Srugim (2008) (9:45PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Wiener Takes all: A DOGumentary (2007) (2:30pm) (Warner Grand Theatre)

Monday 6/15
Blade Runner (1982) (Space15 Twenty) (Hennessey + Ingalls Monday Movies "Futuristic Dystopias")
Bruriah (2008) (10PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) / Starman (1984) (New Beverly Cinema)
Dark Victory (1939) (Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences) (Hollywood's Greatest Year: The Best Pictures Nominees of 1939)
Father's Footsteps (2007) (7:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Grave Decisions (2006) (Goethe-Institut) (Blockbusters! New German Films)
The Little Foxes (1941) (Egyptian Theatre)
On The Move (2008) (5:15PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Purple Rain (1984) (The Bay Theatre)
Ruth (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Spartacus (1960) (Arclight Sherman Oaks)
Voices from El Sayed (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Waltz With Bashir (2008) (9:45PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Zrubavel (2008) (7:30PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)

Tuesday 6/16
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) / Starman (1984) (New Beverly Cinema)
Eli & Ben (2007) (7:30PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
The Idealist (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Keeper of the Flame (1942) (1pm) (LACMA) (Tuesday Matinees)
Legend in the Dunes (2009) (5:15PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Out of the Blue (2008) (10PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Rebirth (Part 2) (2008) (7:15PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
The Seven Days (2008) (10PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Shakes The Clown (1992) / A Night with Bobcat Goldthwait (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre)
Summer Rental (1985) (Space15 Twenty)

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Wednesday 6/17
A Tribute to Dick Smith: The Godfather of Special Makeup Effects (Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences)
Adam Resurrected (2008) (9:45PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Blue Velvet (1986) (Arclight Hollywood)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) (Warner Grand Theatre) (WOW: $10 includes 2 admissions, 2 small popcorns, and 2 small drinks)
For My Father (2007) (7:30PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Early Rocco Erotica & Other Treasures (1968-1976) (w/ Pat Rocco) (Egyptian Theatre) (Outfest Wednesdays)
Lady Kul El Arab (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Lost Islands (2008) (7:30PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Mack Sennett Shorts (Cinefamily @ Silent Movie Theatre) (Silent Clowns Series)
The Mystery of Aris San (2007) (10PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Purple Rain (1984) (The Bay Theatre)
Ruth (2008) (5PM) (Fine Arts Theatre) (Israel Film Festival)
Srugim (2008) (5:15PM) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7) (Israel Film Festival)
Strangers on a Train (1951) / Suspicion (1941) (New Beverly Cinema)

That's all for this week. Don't go too crazy; that's Prince's job.

As always, compiled by the amazing and diligent Edward Yerke-Robins