Video: Aziz Ansari Hilariously Dissects How Bizarre Marriage Proposals Sound
Thinking about getting married? Aziz Ansari might make you think twice about it. The Parks and Recreation comedian released a video clip discussing the sanctity of marriage and how batshit crazy it sounds to an outsider.
The video is part of his comedy special, Buried Alive, which will be available exclusively on Netflix on Nov. 1. In anticipation of his special—which we're pretty sure will be laugh-out-loud funny—here's a look at some of his funniest lines:
On Senator John Coryn's stance on gay marriage:
"I'm not making this up--he goes 'Now if your neighbor marries a box turtle, that doesn't affect your everyday life. But that doesn't mean it's right.' I think it's pretty safe to assume that, at one point or another, Senator John Cornyn has thought about making love to a box turtle. I'm sorry, but that's not the first animal you jump to when you're writing that analogy."
On Kanye West:
Aziz: “Kanye are you sitting in your own house bobbing your own head to your own music?”
Kanye: “Yeah, these beats are dope.”
On getting recognized as a celebrity:
"When I walk around, sometimes people recognize me from things they've seen me in, TV or whatever. And they'd say, you know, stuff, and a lot of times, I wouldn't hear what they'd said because I had headphones on. So, I kinda just go, 'Cool, man. Glad you like the show.' And I'd just keep walking. And this one guy said something to me one time, and I went, 'Cool, man. Glad you like the show.' And then right when I walked past him, I realized, 'Oh, man, that guy didn't say anything about the show.' He went, 'Hey, man, your fly's down.' And I went, 'Cool, man. Glad you like the show. Glad you like seeing my dick pop out of my pants. Come back next week, you can see one of my balls.'"
"I saw Jeff Ross at a comedy club the other night. A woman comes up to him and goes, 'Hey, if you're who I think you are, I'm definitely sleeping with you tonight.' And he goes, 'Hell yeah, I'm Jeff Ross.' And she goes, 'Oops sorry. I thought you were the main orc from the Lord of the Rings.'"
On his cousin, Harris:
“His two favorite things now are Lost and Cinnabon. He loves Cinnabon, he’s a little pudgy and I think that’s awesome. There’s not many Indians who are chubby, it’s mostly small and skinny guys like me, but every now and then you see a pudgy one and it’s awesome, it’s a rarity, it’s like a shooting star only it’s fat, brown and on the ground.”