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The Worst Idea In History

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No, We're not talking about the proposed 700 Billion Dollar giveaway/complete abbrogation of checks and balances that Henry Paulson is trying to mad-dog out of congress this week*. We're referring to the latest diseased rumblings from the filth merchants who call themselves Studio Executives. In this case, much like a frat boy found date-raping someone, who then reacts to the horrified shrieks by asking "want a piece?", Universal has announced that some hackneyed reprobates named Timur Bekmambetov, Adam Cooper and Bill Collage are going to do this:

Universal Pictures has made a splashy preemptive buy of "Moby Dick," a reimagining of the Herman Melville whale tale that Timur Bekmambetov ("Wanted") will direct. Studio paid high six figures to Adam Cooper and Bill Collage to pen the screenplay.

Really. A "reimagining?" Really. What, pray tell, do they intend to reimagine?
The writers revere Melville’s original text, but their graphic novel-style version will change the structure. Gone is the first-person narration by the young seaman Ishmael, who observes how Ahab’s obsession with killing the great white whale overwhelms his good judgment as captain.
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You know how child molesters always claim, once they're caught, that they aren't monsters at all, but that they love children and they just have a child-like love of life and love the joy and innocence that only raping and traumatizing a child can give you? Claiming to "revere" something that you refer to as "text is the artistic moral equivalent. Good job**.