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The Whole City Of Los Angeles Is Being Reviewed On Yelp

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It's one thing to review a restaurant or your local hairdresser, but Yelp reviewers have taken it to the next level: they're actually critiquing entire cities with the star rating.

CityLab first reported that they noticed major cities were getting crowd-sourced reviews. Right now, there are 173 Yelp reviews of Los Angeles, and our city scored an average 3.5 stars. Just to give you a little perspective, other major metropolitan cities are faring better than we are: Chicago and San Francisco got 4 stars and New York even got 4.5 stars. Where's the love, man? It must be a favorite past time for people to hate on Los Angeles.

And what are the Yelpers saying? All sorts of things you could expect like "traffic sucks!" "weather and food's great!" and "fuck you, haters!"

But, in all those reviews, there are some hidden gems of deep thoughts about Los Angeles. Here are some excerpts:

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"Why the five stars? Because every great era needs a great villain and Los Angeles has played that villain to perfection. San Franciscans always think they're more enlightened, cultured, more bohemian than they're Angeleno cousins. The response of L.A.: whatever. They don't care. They're too busy to even sweat such stupid shit like that which infuriates us to no end." —Poincare's Conjecture N., Daly City, CA, 5 stars "i just wish you could see the sky." —Jessica S., San Jose, 3 stars

"Getting to know Los Angeles requires will-power to combat it and a surface to ride against it. I don't need a car here so I have ridden with my bike from my apartment in Los Feliz to other things on a daily basis for three years. I have hit into things pretty hard so Los Angeles is literally in my arms and legs; and my own blood is on it too. The cracks become the focus if they are what make you fall. I've embraced the isolation and glamorous surface and crisscross (and sometimes fall from) these fragments. Yet I think the fragments from around these cracks are the tectonic plates that keep this city moving. There is a hazy cloud of angelenos who literally live on separate tectonic plates and co-exist as a sub-community of the moving car. And I embrace the counterintuitive impulse to coexist on a tectonic plate, movement against movement, and I like the weather." —Chris G., Los Angeles, 4 stars

"Shocking. LA gives me gas. Traffic gives me gas. Lack of public transportation gives me gas. Smog gives me gas. Feeling fat gives me gas, which makes me feel fatter which gives me more gas. It's a vicious cycle." —Soo C., San Francisco, 1 star for Los Angeles, 5 stars for gas

"'This place is just a demon cock full of infected sperm with eyeballs in it, and you've got to suck it every day. But then, I had to fly out to Las Vegas for a week, and I got back to L.A. and thought, you know, at least the demon cock isn't dunked in glitter and deep-fried. It's just fresh demon cock, the way nature intended it. I'm not spitting out sequins or choking on baubles.'" Ben P. apparently quoting Patton Oswalt (though we couldn't find the original quote), Miami, FL, 2 stars

"Okay, Los Angeles is filled with weirdos. But hey, everybody is somebody else's weirdo. How can you not love Dennis Woodruff, Angelyne, and Melrose Larry Green? And if you happen to be, say, a one-armed gay man raising llamas, this is the sort of place where you would find a social networking group dedicated to your particular weirdness. I love it that you can totally fly your freak flag here." —Ericka L., Pasadena, 5 stars

The very first review of our city (and CityLab points out it is the first review of any major city) was penned on March 12, 2005 by Elite Yelper Joan S. She wrote:
"Now here is a grandiose aspiration: to describe the entire city in one paragraph or so. Actually, it's quite simple because L.A. really is not a complicated place. I'm not going to get into the attributes we are famous for.....like Rodeo Drive, or celebrity cribs in Hollywood Hills, extraordinary groomed beaches, the views from Mulholland, or the ability to surf in the morning and snowboard in the afternoon........that is all part of the flavor of L.A., but there are also more subtle features. One of my favorites is the way, at this time of year, the whole city reeks with the fragrance of jasmine. Another thing I love about this place is the way everything is cause for celebration........even sunsets, where sometimes viewers line up on the beach and cheer. One time I encountered a steel drum band going strong at 9 A.M. in West Hollywood, on the street, during the Aids Walk. And people were dancing. In L.A. nothing is as it appears to be: your waiter is probably also an actor & the dogwalker is writing a screenplay. Everybody comes to this magical destination with a huge dream (talk about positive energy!). People who sleep in their cars expect to be millionaires and perhaps they will be. Now that I have lived in L.A for several years, I don't see how I can ever leave because anywhere else would be boring. L.A. gets a bad rap from a lot of people, but not from me. I should have moved here a lifetime ago."

Preach.