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The Terrifying Threat Of Derivative Homosexuals

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UPDATE 12/08/2009! Additional News Below

UPDATE 2, 12/12/2009: Apparently DCP finally got around to realizing how it looked that most of the other performances were easily available and they've all been taken down. No more sexy young women stripping for good, wholesome American entertainment. Good job idiots, it only took you a few weeks.

Before we begin, it must be stated for the record that I've wanted to stay out of this whole conversation - I really have. I cannot stand American Idol. Forget how excruciatingly boring it is. Forget how it typifies the subtext of reality TV, which is of course that dumb dumb stupid heads love making fun of other dumb dumb stupid heads. Forget the weekly assault on good pop music at the hands of people who seem to think "singing" is a synonym for "bukkake". No, what really gets my goat1 is that the show allows people who approach music in the same way they approach food - shoveling gallons of McDonald's down their throats at every opportunity, angrily avoiding anything that actually tastes good, because they don't actually like to eat, they just like stuffing their faces full of sugar and oil - to be treated with greater deference and consideration than people who actually enjoy music2.

Every episode is stunning proof to anyone curious as to how future anthropologists will view our society, that American Idol fans are to our artistic culture what teabaggers are to politics - the triumph of mob rule over public debate, victory for the fallacy that everyone doing the same dumb fuck thing is synonymous with "democracy". Sometimes, however, something manages to escape the dipshit event horizon of that insipid show, and somehow becomes a moment with actual relevance. In the late fall of 2009, that something is the ridiculous outpouring of Gasp-thinkabouthtechildren pearls-clutching over Adam "Glambert" Lambert's surprisingly interesting, if exceptionally unoriginal, performance at the American Music Awards.