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'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Episode 4: A Recap

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The cast of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"/Image via Bravo
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After missing a week of recaps, we're back to bring you the latest with the ladies of Beverly Hills. Monday night's episode began where last week's left off. We find Adrienne sitting anxiously in a private jet, waiting to go to Sacramento to watch her family's basketball team, the King's, play what may be their last game in town. The trip, of course, comes with ample warning that the stadium may be a dangerous place for Adrienne, with fans who are angry that their team might be abandoning them wanting to do things like slushie Adrienne in the face.

But this Maloof is a bold Maloof, and she's going anyway, backed only by her personal bodyguard, the security team at the stadium, and the Sacramento police. All that remains, it seems, is for Kim to show up at the airport.

Kim, you see, has been invited to go to Sactown with Adrienne and her husband Paul. But as the clock ticks by, Adrienne and Paul are left on the jet waiting while Kim deals with a power outage at her home. It's a classic bait and switch.

As Adrienne's anxiety builds, she lobs a threat to leave without Kim, but eventually crazypants Richards shows up, albeit a bit disheveled. She immediately resumes her stream of consciousness nightmare that she began in Colorado in episode 2, yammering about not having had time to do her make-up, being so honored to have been invited, but having had to go to a neighbor's house to deal with the power outage (which happened, it should be noted, in broad daylight), and off the three amigos go to Sacramento.

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As Kim harasses Adrienne, we turn our attention to Kyle, who is getting ready for a charity event back in L.A.

The event is to benefit Lollipops, an organization devoted to helping kids with cancer. A loosely constructed plotline suggests that the event may not have any attendees, but come on. That's never going to happen, even if Bravo has to pack the room with extras. What are we, gullible?

Anyway, no sooner does Kyle hunker down and begin making a phone call, then she's interrupted by a very distraught (we think, her face moves so little) Taylor. It seems that a gossip site, Taylor says, has come across very personal, very private information about her marriage, and posted it online.

Who would divulge such information to the press, she queries Kyle?

At first, it seems like Taylor is about to grow a pair and accuse Kyle of talking to the tabloids. After all, Kyle was privy to the worst of Taylor's breakdown -- you may recall Kyle's attempt at being comforting, when she told Taylor that her marriage wasn't worth fighting for.

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But of course the blame wasn't going to be ultimately placed on Kyle - we were fools for thinking so - it was to be placed on Villain Lisa! No one else, Taylor reasons -- running through all the names of the housewives -- would have the reason or the lack of moral fiber necessary to do such a thing.

Throughout all the drama, we come to find out that Camille and her breasts are out purchasing a new paddle board and wetsuit for an upcoming trip to Hawaii with the kids. With her newfound calm and wisdom, Camille tells the camera that while she may not have the support of a husband, she does have the support of her family and friends. With that, she purchases the damn board, laughing all the way to the beach.

Back in Sacramento, Adrienne is finding out that she had nothing to worry about at the basketball game (except bringing Kim, which of course was a huge mistake). Those angry fans that she thought she'd encounter mostly just wanted to take a picture with her and give her a hug. A few aggressively wielded signs, but her person was never in danger.

With that storyline resolved, it was time to focus on the real drama of the hour. Kyle's charity is in full swing -- complete with attendees, alcohol and snarky remarks about how classess the event is from Lisa -- when suddenly, in walks none other than Brandi Glanville.

Who the fuck is Brandi Glanville, you rightfully wonder? Well, it depends on who you ask. Introduced as a friend of Adrienne's, she's also, we later find out, a friend of Lisa's disowned puppy/possible lover/boytoy/screen upon which to project all feelings and emotions, Cedric. Kyle -- who is, of course, only concerned with Lisa's well-being -- promptly announces that Glanville is the woman who Eddie Cibrian somewhat famously left for LeAnn Rimes, which incidentally ruined Rimes' reputation much more than Glanville's, but probably nobody cares about that.

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For our purposes, Brandi is a tall former model with a broken foot who just became a new RHBH cast member.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Brandi becomes public enemy number one within a staggering matter of seconds -- Paul philosophizes that "younger and prettier women" in Beverly Hills often become the target of jealousy and hostility. Kyle is inexplicably leading the pack with joyful slander, when we briefly cut to an interview with Brandi in which she poignantly announces that -- guess what! -- she can be as big a bitch as anybody else.

It's also worth noting, for the sheer absurdity of it, that we also meet Hollywood publicist Eliot Mintz at the benefit. Taylor briefly consults with Mintz because she wants help figuring out who spilled the beans about her to the tabloids. A short man with a fake tan and dyed blond hair, Mintz gives Taylor the following advice, which we believe can only be interpreted by finding the corresponding hyroglyph: "The best way is to go to the head of the rattlesnake, and not the tail."

And so the stage is set!

Until next week...