Jessica P. Ogilvie

Have you ever wanted to physically hurt a bad comedian? Actually, I haven't either, but maybe we're in the minority. Tomorrow night, the Comedy Store will present "Paid or Pain," a show subjecting professional joke-sters to the whims of a voting audience that has the ability to shower them with cash, or hand them over to a professional dominatrix.

When most people are worrying about accidentally taking 3.5 ounces of liquid through airport security, it's somewhat mind-boggling that anyone out there would casually try to carry on a loaded gun. But that's exactly what Darius Miles, former L.A. Clipper, is accused of doing yesterday, according to TMZ.

In tonight's Extra, Extra, Fresh & Easy considers expanding, Ashton Kutcher's latest character is revealed, a gray whale gets help, and there's even a pool shaped like a penis.

Two men are being sought for stealing a pair of parrots off a porch in Belmont Heights, reports KTLA. According to witnesses, the men jumped out of a Lexus last Thursday, grabbed the birds out of their cages and stuffed them into bags.

Any fans of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" may have recently been intrigued by the mouth-watering Palestinian chicken dish featured in the July 24 episode. The chicken was so good, noted Larry David, that it could have ended the rift in the Middle East. As it was, throughout the episode the seemingly innocent piece of poultry found itself in the middle of fights, flings and covert liaisons.

A San Bernardino County Deputy Sheriff who is accused of having sex with a 16-year-old girl will appear in a San Bernadino court tomorrow, according to a statement released by the girl's lawyer, superstar attorney Gloria Allred. Nathan Gastineau, 30, is accused of lewd acts and unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. The girl, who was 16 at the time, was part of the Explorers program, which was designed to introduce young people to careers in law enforcement.

A suspect has been arrested in connection with a number of fires that have been deliberately set in North Hollywood over the past few weeks, reports the Daily Breeze. The arrest was made following another fire that was set in a mobile home in the 7300 block of Farmdale Avenue around 4:30 this morning.

In tonight's Extra, Extra, Gabrielle Giffords heads back to the House, a blue penis is seen in Echo Park, a tour of Wilshire Blvd., and coyotes stayed out of harm's way in the OC. Plus: Keep up with us on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter: @LAist @LAistFood @LAistSports.

A key witness to the attack on Giants fan Bryan Stow has died, reports L.A. Now. Matthew Lee apparently died from an allergic reaction to peanuts after eating a salad that contained them on Sunday.

A man walking to his apartment in Glendale was robbed at gunpoint early this morning, reports the Daily News. The incident occurred around 2:30 a.m. in the 500 block of Glenwood Road.

The Lingerie Football League has enjoyed a good run since its founding in 2009. But now, an L.A.-based league of scantily clad basketball players is about to give those nearly nude pigskin-tossers some stiff competition, reports the Huffington Post. The Lingerie Basketball League features, as you may well imagine, women dressed in lingerie playing basketball.

We Angelenos love our pets, and so no doubt many a cat owner in the Southern California area will be distressed to find out that Purina has recalled some of it's cat food. KTLA reports that the company found out that a number of batches made in 2010 were possibly contaminated with salmonella.