Yes I am the Muffin Man
Today we will look at one of my least favorite fashion occurrences. This has been going on for far too long, and I have lost the self-control to tolerate it. As with all moronic fashion trends, for months I patiently photographed the idiocy and awaited its disappearance. The problem we face today is that the Sausage Mc Muffins simply are not going away.
So I must ask you Los Angeles: how can we eliminate the social pressure to compress the entirety of one's belly fat into a sausage-like ring around one's waist? What sort of protest must we organize to free the spare tires and allow them to disperse in their appropriate locations (i.e. inside the pants)? Which government office should we alert to the rising of the muffin tops over the waistline?
In general, this is not an attractive look, and it can objectively be labeled pretty gross and bordering on repulsive. It also appears to be rather constricting and uncomfortable and in some cases even painful. So WHY?