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Westsider Driven To Madness By Persistent Moans Of Ecstasy

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She does not appreciate the free sex noises (Photo by spiber.de via Shutterstock)
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Living in Santa Monica may seem like a beautiful, ocean-misted dream, but one Westsider has a big problem: she can hear people doing it all night long at the Palihouse hotel.

The Palihouse sits at 3rd St. and Washington, in what is also a residential neighborhood. It opened in June of 2013, converting an apartment building into a boutique hotel. Laura Wilson has lived across from where the Palihouse now sits for the last 13 years, according to her YouTube videos, in which she screams that fact at hotel guests.

Wilson has been making videos of all sorts of things she hates about the hotel for over a year, mostly complaints about parking and noise. She says she is woken up by people talking on their phones, cars running and other noises on a nightly basis. She recently recorded the sounds of a woman having sex, which Westside Today used to make a very dramatic video, complete with the kind of music you usually hear playing in films where a character only has 60 seconds to disarm a bomb. At the end of the video, Wilson says, "One of the advantages of having a hotel in our residential neighborhood: 12:14 a.m. wakeup calls of people having sex forgetting where they are."

From what we can tell, the woman in the video knows right where she is: almost there. Hey-o, dad jokes.

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If you think that video's weird, there's also a video she took of some people having a conversation, which she writes is right outside of her guest bedroom window. At one point, a hotel guest says the conversation is just between the two of them, which is when Wilson yells out the window that it's also with her, and she's recording them. The hotel guest does not particularly care for her.

"As if, if these were residents, people wouldn't have a conversation in their own yards. Yeah, she's crazy," a female voice says.

A male voice then advises Wilson "shut her goddamn mouth," to which Wilson calls them "assholes," and then the woman talks him out of "going over there" because "you can't talk to crazy." So dramatic! Then he says, "Why don't you die?" but clarifies that that's simply an existential question. This is, mind you, over two people having a conversation outside of Wilson's window.

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In another, she confronts a guy at 5 a.m. who is spraying down a patio. He says he's not even that loud, but the delicate sound of water rushing over cement is enough to stir the dragon.

In July of last year, the hotel sent her a cease and desist letter asking her to stop harassing employees, Patch reports. But, Wilson is not alone in her crusade against the hotel. The Santa Monica Daily Press declared the "Sucky Neighbor" Sammy award to the Palihouse in their 2014 hyperlocal awards for being "inconsiderate." And the hotel's Yelp pagehas the occasional neighbor complaining about its presence. Surprisingly, some of the Palihouse's reviews on Yelp are hotel guests complaining about the noisy neighborhood! One review complains about paramedics and firetrucks showing up at the convalescent home across the street. How terribly rude of them.

Meanwhile over here in Koreatown, I couldn't tell you the last time I wasn't woken up at 3 a.m. by a car alarm, but I have no videos to share with you.