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The Fruit of Our Loins: Sex Classes at Babeland

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Since Wednesday’s White Stripes show at the Forum was cancelled, those of us with tickets were forced to find something else to do. Some probably went to other concerts, maybe some drank their sorrows away. I went the more obvious route – I went to Babeland to learn how to blow a banana.

Babeland is the very woman-friendly sex store on Melrose and La Brea. Open for nearly two years here in L.A., they started offering classes this year on everything from orgasms, to bondage, to strap-ons.

Wednesday’s class was “Oral Sex Basics: Fellatio." The small, bright, and colorful store had been set up with several rows of chairs, and was overflowing with participants by the time we started at 7:30 p.m. After a quick welcome and intro, our instructor, Kristen Tribby, Marketing/Education Coordinator at Babeland, took the floor.

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Perky, cute, and dressed in all black, Kristen wasn’t what I had expected. I envisioned someone that was going to go boot camp style on me until I gave the best head of anyone in the Greater Los Angeles area. Kristen was much more girl next door than dominatrix, and in fact she seemed a little uneasy at first. But her quirky, playful style picked up as she got the class going.

She started by asking the group the age-old question, "Why are blow jobs hot," which in a room full of ladies garnered answers like “it’s powerful” and “it turns him on.”

A role play of a “sex date” followed, during which we learned how to take our partner out for something pleasant like a dinner, or perhaps coffee, and talk frankly about what we’d each like to do in bed, and how the other one feels about it (Rimming? Maybe. Vaginal Fisting? Yes).

This led us smoothly into the pièce de résitance. Lifting up a Vons bag, Kristen announced that it was time to meet our boyfriends for the night – several sacs full of nearly ripe bananas. Technique time.

Passing them around, she explained that it would be a good idea to try doing this with a condom on the banana. That said, the first thing we were to practice was putting the condom on with our mouths. Kristen suggested resting the condoms ever so gently between lips and teeth, then using our lips to roll them down.

As we all became completely absorbed in dressing our man-nanas, Kristen nonchalantly strapped herself into a harness with an erect dildo attachment. She would rock the cock as her colleague, the lovely and talented Aidyn, demonstrated techniques.

And so we dove in. Kristen stood high and proud on a chair, floppy silicone dick sticking out, as Amazing Aidyn sucked, licked, and orally enveloped the appendage. As he fellated, she explained what he was doing and why it would feel good to a man.

We went through the Tap Dancer, the Twist of Lime, and the Turtle Topper, finally learning the art of the deep throat. The structure of the class mimicked a real oral sex session. The final twenty minutes or so were spent on the ass, with Kristen reminding us how sensitive the prostate and thus the perineum, or “taint,” is. She encouraged us to “romance the asshole” by gently rubbing a lubed finger on the hole, then to use a dipping motion to delicately insert the finger: “Dip in the ass….Dip! Dip!” she instructed.

Following the class, Kristen was open to questions and stuck around for a long time chatting with people privately.

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Babeland holds classes regularly, and as of now they are the only Babeland in the country to offer most classes for free. Check out the September offerings!

How to Please Your Woman
Sunday, September 23, 07:00PM, FREE

“The Maxwell Multiple Climax” Official Release Party
Thursday, September 27, 07:30PM, FREE

Midori presents: “Gentle Strokes: Learn to use the Sexy Whip"
Saturday, September 29, 07:00PM, $30

Follow the link for a full listing…

Babeland Classes

Photos by Jessica

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