Sex Week: Couples + Strip Clubs

Bringing along a significant other to the strip club can be very enjoyable | Photo by pinkmoose via flickr

When dudes are together doing what dudes do (playing poker, watching a bloody UFC fight, drafting fantasy baseball teams) the words "girlfriend" or "wife" are bound to come out of someone's mouth once or twice. But rarely will you hear a guy utter the sentence, "This would be more fun if my girlfriend were here." That's just how it is; for many guys cigars, bloody knuckles and discussions of Russell Martin's OBP are just more enjoyable when their significant other isn't around.

However, there is one man cave where that sentence might be true; the hallowed ground of a strip club.

Anna David, the renowned relationship/sex expert and author who goes "In Your Pants" each week on G4's Attack of the Show, tells us "I think far too much of the time, men begin to think of their girlfriends as the people they have nice, homey dinners with -- the people who drag them to see HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU -- and then get their more perverse or outrageous sexual needs met in places like strip clubs."

David says, "The point is to merge those two worlds -- for men to understand that their girlfriends can BE the object of their sexual desire if only they open up about what those desires are (same goes for girls with their boyfriends). If a guy likes going to strip clubs, he shouldn't feel like he has to sneak away to go there. If they go together, they can laugh at what they think is silly, get off on what's erotic to them and - bonus - he might get to see a stripper give her a lapdance."

Girl-on-girl action where one of those girls is your significant other is a definite bonus, but what's the proper way to ask your girlfriend or wife to join you on your journey to the land of poles, clear heels and dollar bills? David, author of the novel Party Girl, advises "it doesn't make sense to pussy foot around the issue. 'Look, I'm going to Crazy Girls and want you to come with me' seems like the ideal way to say it."

Now that the woman in your life is on board, ready to come along for the ride, where do you take her?

That's where we call on the expertise of a man simply known as Zbone, the authority on strip clubs in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside and Ventura counties. The man who has categorized and alphabetized every nude, topless and bikini bar in the region on his Web site, Zbone's Strip Club Connection tells us his Top 5 Top 4 couple-friendly clubs are:

Actually, Zbone gave us more than five. The expert on everything strip clubs also gave us his honorable mentions:
Before you head on over to one of these couple-friendly clubs handpicked by Zbone, you're going to need to set a few rules. Ms. David says, "It's a good idea to have some ground rules. These obviously vary depending on the relationship but maybe you decide ahead of time that anything goes so long as the other person is watching or in the room or that getting lap dances is fine so long as there isn't any serious connection to or contact with the strippers. But mostly you should just decide to have fun and not to take any of it too seriously."

The ground rules are now set between you and your lady, but there are more rules you're going to need to keep in mind -- the rules that are enforced by the big scary guys in black suits roaming the club's floor.

To avoid having your girlfriend or wife watch you get your ass kicked by a bouncer, we've asked Jessica, an LA-based dancer for some tips on strip club etiquette for couples.

She informs us, "Etiquette is pretty much the same for couples as it is for single guys or girls." Jessica adds:

• If you're getting a lap dance, DON'T touch unless it's clear that the dancer welcomes that or is comfortable with it.
• DO tip well! Always tip if you're sitting at the stage, after a lap dance or if you've talked to a girl for a long time.
• DON'T start making out while sitting at the stage.
• DO be respectful of the club's rules, your dancer's boundaries, and each other's boundaries.

Jessica offers another rule you wouldn't have to worry about if you were with your buddies instead of your girlfriend, "during a lap dance, you can touch each other but try to avoid making out too heavily. And definitely don't try to have any kind of sex during a lap dance, even if it's in the VIP."
Man, that's a lot to remember. After following all these rules, you'd probably like to know what you're going to get in return. Jessica informs us, "generally, in lap dances for couples, the girl is going to get the most attention...which should be a win-win. You might also find that the lady is shown more leniency as far as touching goes. A good dancer will also talk to you and find out what you like, and try to be in tune with you as a couple."

If that didn't sell you on bringing your girl with you, this confession from Jessica just might. "Women are always fun to dance for. It's just a nice change - they're soft in ways that men aren't. Plus it's fun to watch the expressions on guys faces when they see their partners try something new, and exciting to see women experimenting and opening up (no pun intended)."There's one last thing to remember, before you head out the door to get a close up view of the women "experimenting and opening up," it's not for every girl. Damn.

Anna David says, "If the girl only wants to go so that she can keep an eye on the guy -- or if she tends toward being possessive -- a man might want to leave her at home. A guy shouldn't feel like he has a minder with him, or someone who's pretending she thinks it's all fun and games but is secretly taking internal notes about what a dirtbag he is."

Jessica adds, "definitely make sure that she wants to go and isn't just going along begrudgingly! I can't stress this enough - I know going to strip clubs is hip and everything, but ladies - if you're not comfortable with it, don't go. Know your boundaries. Because really, there's nothing worse than a pissed off girlfriend at the club. It never ends well."

After all those rules and all the money you've spent, you want to make sure that the night does end well. To ensure a satisfying post-strip club night, David says, "If you got off on anything you saw or did at the strip club, remind your partner of it when you're in bed. Whisper "It turned me on so much to watch that girl give you a lap dance" or whatever while you're taking her clothes off -- and what you might have imagined happening from there. If she liked it, get her to tell you why."

last photo by radiospike photography via Flickr