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Living in Sin: How Do I Get My Lesbian GF to STFU?
Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually curious. You can see her column in print, too, in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
I know I'm probably not the first one to complain about this, but my
girlfriend wants to talk about our relationship way more than I do. We
are both women, and I know women are famous for this, but I feel like I
somehow escaped the stereotype while she got enough of the gabs for
both of us. I really love her, and feel communication is vital, but do
we have to talk about it all the time, everyday? Is there anything I
can do?
Dear Talked,
I'm so glad you wrote in because this is a topic that's made me want to
bang my head against the wall in silent desperation on many occasions.
What is it with emotional windbags? Do they get a nickel and a cookie
every time they talk about their feelings? Don't they realize that you
have to have experiences first in order to have something to talk about
later? And why are they always so good in bed?
You are correct, women are famous for it, and believe me, they've
earned their reputation, but as someone's who's dated several guys who
could make the processiest of processors look like the tongueless
wonder, I must report that the gab gene goes both ways. I had one
boyfriend who was so out of control that I had to demand we only talk
about our relationship on Fridays. All other times, any mention of the
words "us," "feel," or "needs" was met with a finger in the face and a
sharp "up!", but from midnight on Thursday to midnight on Friday, one
could find me yellow and deflated, clinging to the sides of buildings
with exhaustion. He eventually took up flower arranging and sneaking
around in my clothes, which leads me to believe that, as we've
suspected all along, it's all estrogen's fault. Just as my deep hatred
of musical theater could be blamed on testosterone, we all have varying
levels of boy juice and girl juice in us, but I'd take a guy who loves
to skip over some dude you need an ice pick and a hammer to get a
decent conversation out of anyday.
But what can we do to get some sleep around here? Get her to go to
therapy so she has someone else to spew to. Suggest she keep a
journal. Tell her about Feelings Fridays. Make sure she's taking her
meds. Dump her for someone who isn't so needy. That's all I can think
of. Oh, and make sure you aren't being a closed-off lughead - we
choose everyone for a reason, and maybe you need to open up more than
you realize.
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