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Living In Sin: Eat My Lesbian Dust
Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.
I saw your book, "The Straight Girl's Guide To Sleeping With Chicks" in Borders about a year ago but hesitated.......and that seems to be the story of my life right now.
I'm 36 and have been with my husband since I was 19. About a year and a half ago I started seeing a life coach because my relationship with him wasn't much fun. In that process I fell deeply into infatuation/lust/love with my female coach. I didn't realize I was into women so it was a surprise! She said she liked me too but didn't want to get involved as that would be unprofessional, she didn't "do" kids plus she had just re-kindled with an old flame.
So my plan right now is to split from my husband because he doesn't meet my needs. I've been his housekeeper with occasional benefits for too long. I long for real communing and cuddling and passion but haven't moved out yet because I'm scared I'm making a mistake.
I don't know if the lesbian thing is real or fantasy. I've never actually done anything with a woman. I'm so scared I'm going to regret leaving my husband, so I'm stuck in inactive limbo. Any words of wisdom?
- Wanting a Woman's Care
If I was married to someone for 17 years who didn't meet my needs, I could fall into infatuation/lust/love with a bag of sand, let alone some nice lady whose sole purpose in my life was to furrow her brow, look deep into my eyes and ask me how I feel. Not to say that you couldn't turn out to be Lesbianicus Grandicum, but it sounds like this is more about your half-assed feelings for your husband than an unquenchable desire to roll with the ladies.
What I want to know is what you did in a past life to warrant getting stuck with the same guy from the time you were 19? I'm all for deep, long-term relationships and growing old together and stuff, but staying with the same person from freshman year till death do you part? What kind of sick joke is that? If I had to stick with all the choices I made when I was 19, I'd still be tripping my ass off in a filthy peasant skirt trying to get everyone I came into contact with to do a beer bong and rock out to AC/DC with me. * I would like to take this moment to thank my parents for filling my mouth with braces and providing me with a spindly, undeveloped body that loomed several feet above everyone in my high school and all those in surrounding areas, thereby exempting me from such a fate.
I do realize that just because the concept gives me hives, there are people who've made it work. I think staying with your husband because you're scared to leave is a terrible idea, but leaving him without giving it the old college try is no good either, so here's what I suggest:
Get some couple's therapy and see if you can't shed new light on your relationship. Count the ways that you love him. Go on dates. Try new things in bed. Take a vacation with a friend so you can miss him a little. Be very clear about your needs and ask him to do the same. Try it all, and if it still ain't happening, at least you'll know you tried, and will be less fearful about watching him disappear in your rearview mirror as you and your hot new girlfriend take off for Mexico.