How Do You Know When, Or If, It’s Time To End Therapy? Here’s What Experts Say

There’s a lot of conversation around therapy these days, and a lot of advice out there about how to find a therapist. But, if you’re lucky enough to find (and afford) mental health treatment, how do you know when it’s time to move on?

According to experts who joined LAist’s daily news program, AirTalk, therapy isn’t supposed to last forever. Here are some things to chew on if you’re thinking about ending treatment.

One-size doesn’t fit all

It’s important to acknowledge that there are many different kinds of therapy, and many reasons someone might seek it.

“There's a difference between someone coming in for a discreet issue and someone who has a chronic condition where they really need the ongoing support,” says therapist Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the podcast Dear Therapists. “I don’t think there’s a one-size fits all.”

Also, some therapy might end because it’s just not the right match between patient and provider. “That's a different conversation that you should absolutely have … your therapist will support your decision and provide resources or referrals if you're wanting them and wish you well,” said Gottlieb.

Ask yourself: Have you met your goals?

Gottlieb says therapists will often set goals with patients at the beginning of treatment.

“One of the first things we do in those early sessions is to say, 'let's understand what you're hoping to get out of coming here.'”

Knowing what you hope to achieve with therapy can help you decide when it’s time to end it. Richard A. Friedman, professor of clinical psychiatry and the director of the psychopharmacology clinic at Weill Cornell Medical College, said it’s helpful to ask yourself, “Am I ready to see whether I've met my goals and I'm feeling better enough that I can go off on my own?”

This is something that your therapist should be keeping an eye on as well. Said Gottlieb, “Every therapist works differently, but I think every therapist should have goals in mind and should absolutely be monitoring those goals and see how far along you are.”

Try taking a break

Friedman, who recently wrote an article in The Atlantic about how to know when to end therapy, noted it's hard to know whether or not your therapy has been effective until you suspend the treatment.

“In the absence of meeting on a regular basis," he said, "you have a chance to assess what its impact has been on you, and you can even ask your friends and family and loved ones, ‘How do you think I'm doing?’”

Taking a break from therapy is also about trusting that you’ve done the work, and that your therapy has provided tools for you to deal with problems in the real world outside of your session.

“The way I think about therapy is it is a kind of training. When it's over, you've learned to be your own trainer to some extent,” said Friedman.

Added Gottlieb, “We do want you to take what we're talking about in the therapy room and then bring it out into the world into how you navigate through the world. Notice your patterns. Notice the ways that your relationships are going. Notice your relationship to yourself.”

You don’t have to quit cold turkey

Just because you’ve decided to end therapy doesn’t mean you have to stop immediately.

“Once you have this conversation, and do decide to take a break, you'll taper down to make sure you still have support during this change, so it's not as though you'll bring up the conversation and say goodbye that same day,” Gottlieb explained.

OK, but how do you start the conversation?

Here's one way Gottlieb suggests you might broach the subject:

“You might say, ‘Before we start today, I want to bring something up about where I am with our work together. I feel like I'm doing really well, and I've been thinking about taking a break from therapy and seeing how that goes. I came into therapy because of this [whatever the symptoms/issues were] and now I feel this [whatever is different now] ... I wonder if moving to once a month for a few months as a trial period to see how I feel and then taking a break if that goes well might be a good plan. What do you think?’”

Remember that you can go back

“It's not a final termination when you leave therapy, the door will still be open,” said Richard A. Friedman.

Gottlieb echoed this. “Just because someone leaves therapy doesn't mean that they've left forever. Often people leave. They're feeling pretty good. They're functioning pretty well. And then something else comes up in their life and then they come back because they need the support. And that's pretty common.”

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