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Fun With Craigslist Personals - A New "Pretty Woman"?
"Look honey, I'm classy! I didn't buy your sex directly, I bought this expensive bauble instead!"
If you ever want a comic glance at the dark underbelly of the LA dating scene, check out the LA Craiglist Personals - always a boundless source of entertainment. The following ad, for instance, is hilarious because I'm more than 91 percent sure the female who wrote it just finished watching Pretty Woman on HBO at 2 a.m. and figured she'd use her wiles on the Internet to serendipitously meet a Richard Gere-like playboy and undergo a magical transformation of sorts from another wannabe to a Julie Roberts-ish megastar.
"Would you like to take a young, innocent, naive newcomer and turn her into a rich Bev Hills lady and a star? I'll give you complete power. I've got good starting material for you to work with..I have a beautiful face, an average body (needs a bit of work to be perfect but good bone structure, but I've already started to increase excersise) have experience (small parts and bits n pieces) in film/TV and theatre, but I have an Amazing one-of-a-kind outgoing, friendly and bubbly personality that you don't see too often round here. I'm not just a pretty face - I can pull this off but i just need some monetary help and someone to guide me.
Theres two parts to what I want and preferably both in synch but if you would rather do one or the other I'm open to discussion. A) I want to succed in hollywood in movies or television (I know it's easy to say, but hard to do) and B) I want to be one of the typical rich, Hollywood wives (but obviously were not married) drive a nice car, shop most days, do lunch, have my hair always done, looking beautiful all the time takes money basically and I want to always be somone your proud to have on your arm and to always look good at auditions. So I know this is an unusual request and your thinking what do I get out of it. Well, I am a beautiful, out of the ordinary girl who will keep you entertained both in body and mind. I am straightforward and our dealings will always be honest. I figure there are a lot of starlets that will find someone powerful and deceive him into thinking she loves him or whatever so she can use him, but I'd prefer to be a litle more mature about it and see if we can work out a way to both benefit.
Please email me with a photo and what kind of setup you may be interested in exloring. Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing from you."
Oh the early 90's, when prostitutes were all fresh-faced ingenues waiting to be turned into fancy lasses.
Take a deep breath guys, all she expects is to be a television or movie star, the whole drive-a-fancy-car-shop-and-be-fabulous-all-the-time lifestyle is negotiable. She's reasonable and understands she can't have it all right away.
And of course she's not like all those other manipulative starlets. Oh no! She's willing to give you your cut. All you need to do is take her under your gentlemanly wing, give her a nice bath, a Nordic Trak, a couple juicy parts in an upcoming blockbuster, (and hopefully some spelling lessons) and voila! The Perfect Woman!
Part of me thinks this is a joke, part of me thinks the Fox Network might read this and turn it into a new reality show.