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"Pork"-ing Reaches New Heights of Ecstasy: Bacon Lube!

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Imagine you could only choose one: Sex or Bacon? Now, calm down, and remember that this is America, where you can have both, simultaneously! The folks who brought us the must-have condiments Bacon Salt and Baconnaise have been entrenched in their labs, pulling long hours in the name of sexy, porcine research, and they've come up with the meeting of the previously disparate forms of pleasure of the flesh. Two words, one product: Bacon Lube.

They're touting it as the "McRib of sex" thanks to its deliciousness and ability to "make men crazy." (Bacon lovin' ladies, are you outraged?!) It's also "water based, proudly Made in America, and is the gold standard of meat flavored massage oils." Well!

So, bacon lovers... now is your time to stop staring longingly at that jar of bacon grease and wondering "what if."

There is, however, little time to dilly dally on whether you really want to smear your special places with an intimacy aid that smells like your hangover breakfast: They only made 3,000 bottles (which seems to be either a gross under—or over—estimation of supply, considering demand, we're not sure). And, hey—you don't need a fellow piggy to get down with the bacon lube; self-pleasuring with bacon can just move from your Grand Slam plate at Denny's to the privacy of your own home.