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Word to Your Mother's Uncle
Prince Paul! Brand Nubian! N.O.R.E.! Grandmaster Flash! Bushwick Bill! Just Blaze! House of Pain! Juelz Santana! Kid Rock! Insane Clown Posse! Is this disparate hip-hop collective kicking off the mother of all rap tours? Nope. They're just some of the guests who have stopped by to skewer the contestants on the most criminally ignored reality show on television.
The White Rapper Show is the brainchild of those clever gents at Ego Trip. Every Monday (VH1, 10:00 p.m.) aspiring Caucasian rappers from around the world compete in a series of challenges, most embarrassing, before one is told to "step off!" by lovably bi-polar host MC Serch (remember 3rd Bass?). There are no swanky mansions on this show. The white rappers are holed up in an industrial space in the South Bronx, complete with the occasional cockroach in the bathtub.
The show is down to the final three contestants: grills-wearing Atlanta rapper (and frontrunner) $hamrock, self-proclaimed "King of the Burbs" John Brown, and politically-correct USC student Jus Rhyme. Rhyme is the token guilty white liberal.
If that sounds good, here's what you've missed. The show started with a bang when Dasit, a blatant Eminem knockoff, confronted Serch with pure, unbridled suburban fury when he proclaimed "you're not my father!" in response to an early criticism. G-Child, a Vanilla Ice groupie whose look is best described as Juggalo-chic, suffered numerous meltdowns due to her inner torment about hating pretty much any rap that isn't Vanilla Ice. Lord Jamar of Brand Nubian became so offended by the presence of John Brown and his "ghetto revival" movement that Serch actually had to step in on his tirade and convince him that the contestants are legitimate MCs.
And probably the most gratifying part of the show is co-host Prince Paul of Stetsasonic, De La Soul and Handsome Boys Modeling School fame. While Serch seems to genuinely want the rap wannabes to succeed, Paul's utter disdain for the contestants is evident. He seems to revel in their humiliation during each challenge. Prince Paul and MC Serch deserve their own buddy comedy, because they're the best "good cop/bad cop" routine on television.
Next up, the final three contestants travel to the "mecca of white rap," Detroit, to spend some time in a trailer park and battle 'hood MCs at Saint Andrew's Hall. Try telling yourself you don't want to see that.
Hallelujah holla back!
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