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Video: A Ludicrously Violent Guide To Mass Shootings From The Sheriff's Dept.

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Courtesy of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department comes an ostensibly well-intentioned yet insanely violent and well-produced video that makes us wonder if the guys at the LASD had a little too much fun putting it together. Appropriately titled in all caps as "SURVIVING AN ACTIVE SHOOTER," the video, according to a press release, is meant to "offer preparedness and awareness training to the public at large and hopefully save lives in the event of an Active Shooter incident" (capital letters not ours).

The very next sentence in the release is quite revealing, though: "This nine minute video presentation, which has been in production for nearly two years, is one of the most ambitious projects the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department's Video Production Unit (VPU) has ever produced." Sounds like some of the deputies in the VPU are a wee bit too proud and giddy over their gory and pimped-out handiwork. It's as it they took inspiration from Houston's "RUN. HIDE. FIGHT." video and thought, "We can totally do better than that."

Giant blood splatters! Swooshing computer graphics! Pop-up icons! B-movie acting! This baby has it all! Let's go through some of the best moments:

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Oh boy we're off a really good start.

These intro graphics are way too fancy for a regular-old safety demonstration video. Most of the budget must've been blown on them.

Plotline #1: blue collar dudes at some random distribution warehouse fall victim to a workplace shooting after a guy loses his mind when he gets laid off. This shot right here is actually some really nice staging and use of depth of field. Our soon-to-be hero in the foreground, the bustle of the workplace in the mid-ground, and the inciting incident in the background and nicely framed at the center. The deep focus! Gregg Toland would be proud.

Oh my god ahahahahahaha.

Plotline #2: the school shooting. Are these supposed to be happening on the same day? None of the three plot threads converge at any point. Is this a Robert Altman movie or something?

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Plotline #3: the mall shooting. Just when you thought it was safe to eat Panda Express at the food court again.

Pop-up graphics! Because when you're dealing with a life-or-death situation, you want to visualize and think of real-life as a video game.

Exploding library lamps! Because sometimes life is like a Michael Bay movie.

Ewwwww.

The pop-up texting bubble! Just following the trends of all the latest Hollywood movies.

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Wow. That got dark real quickly.

A locked emergency exit? Definitely an OSHA violation.

Broom, right? We're all rooting for broom here.

Fire extinguisher? Really? Lame.