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Top 10 Songs That Should’ve Been Banned at Prom

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Prom Time | Photo by C-Monster via the LAist Featured Photos pool on Flickr
Every American teenager knows Prom night begins with more virgins than it ends. Arcadia High’s prom took place Saturday, and if its students had gotten jiggy for the first time, it wouldn’t have been motivated by sexually-suggestive music from Lil’ Wayne, P. Diddy or Pitbull.

The affair’s disc jockey was provided with a list of twenty forbidden songs which feature themes of sexual objectification, misogyny, and glorified promiscuity. If you were a student who wanted to hear Pitbull’s “Shake,” or Flo Rida’s “Right Round,” you would have needed to attend another prom (which no doubt spun these to great reception.)

LAist commenters wondered whether the short list would be morally effective when vulgar jams such as Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” and Ice Cube’s “Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It” could have found their way onto the night’s speakers, thus penetrating the impressionable young minds of Arcadia High's students.

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[1] DJ Assault “Ass and Titties”

In 1997 Detroit’s DJ Assault dropped “The Ass-N-Titties EP.” Still relevant in nightclubs, this tune has been destroying Motor City prom dancefloors for over a decade. This provocative ode to genital cleanliness advises the ladies (”stankin’ ass bitches”) who DJ Assault desires to bed, to lather up with their favorite body wash. “You need soap and water.” Assault (that's what his friends call him) hopes his lady listeners take heed, else "don’t get mad when I don’t want to f***.”

[2] Mos Def “Ms. Fat Booty”

Renaissance gentlemen (thespian/singer/rapper/fashionista,) Mos Def, eloquently spends nearly four minutes chasing a woman for whom he has tunnel vision for one asset. That asset? “Ass so fat you could see it from the front.”

[3] Gary Wright “Dreamweaver”

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Thanks to singles bars who cater to recent-divorcees, Gary Wright’s 1975 hit “Dreamweaver” is still relevant. In this 2006 video, the aged crooner is actually performing to an audience of living beings. With lyrics like “I believe you can get me through the night, I believe we can reach the morning light,” Wright’s clearly a horny devil. He makes great effort at suggesting a nocturnal encounter filled with coitus, and perhaps Miller Genuine Draft. We all know coitus and MGD leads to baby-making. Baby-making ruins proms.

[4] Missy Elliot “Get Ur Freak On”

“Get Ur Freak On” has been further baffling America’s youth as to the spelling of "your" since 2001. Here, “ur,” can be confused for the popular “you are” contraction “you’re.” That, and “freak” refers to vaginal penetration.

[5] Anything by N.W.A.

Shortly after graduating Compton Medical School, Dr. Dre produced memorable beats for himself and pals (Eazy-E, MC Ren, and Ice Cube) on which to rhyme. N.W.A.’s catalog features such jams as “A Bitch Is a Bitch,” “Just Don’t Bite It,” “I’d Rather Fuck You,” and “Findum, Fuckum & Flee.” Their lyrics demonstrated time after time that they’re not only anti-LAPD, but that they can’t be bothered to respect the fairer sex. Typically overt, they found even subtler ways to disrespect women. Ice Cube once said “you know I spell girl with a 'B.'"

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[6] Ol’ Dirty Bastard [RIP: 1968-2004] “Shimmy Shimmy Ya”

ODB waits a mere three seconds before professing he “likes it raw.” However, it’s not for his non-safe sex preference for which this song deserves a ban. The stage name of the late rhymer, born Russell Tyrone Jones, features “bastard,” the male equivalent of “bitch,” (or “beotch” if you’re from Long Beach.) If misogyny is frowned upon, dudesogyny should be to..

[7] Shawn Colvin “Sunny Came Home”

Colvin’s Grammy winner has often been described as “feel good.” Of course it is. This song is about masturbation. “Sunny came home with a mission. She opened a book and a box of tools.” It doesn’t take a NASA engineer to read between Colvin’s dirty lines. Sunny's "book" probably came from behind the 7-11 counter, and her “tools” are more than likely D-battery powered. Ononism is technically safe sex but shouldn’t be encouraged at prom. While I would be curious to meet Sunny, I don’t think I’d shake her hand.

[8] Pitbull “Culo”

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Thrice banned on Arcadia High’s list of twenty, the academic powers-that-be musn’t speak enough Spanglish to note Pitbull’s entire catalog of dancefloor-friendly hits are stepped in wet, sex talk. In “Culo,” Miami’s Cuban reggaeton/hip-hip superstar delivers a tribute, much like Mos Def, to the “culo,” better known as derriere or ass. Mos at least classed up his objectification with “Ms.”

[9] 2 Live Crew “Hoochie Mama”

Banning 2 Live Crew was cool long before P. Diddy was censored at high school dances. This multi-platinum selling trio was responsible for many booty-shakers rich with phrases bathed in good old-fashioned misogyny. In this song, the following can be heard. “Dyke,” “whore,” “ghetto ass” (referring to the total person and not hindquarter,) “bitch,” “hoochie mama,” “hoodrat,” and, of course, “ho.” While making good use of an urban thesaurus, 2 Live Crew shot straightforward as well. “I don’t need no conversation, all I want is some ejaculation.” “Hoochie Mama” can be found on 2 Live Crew’s Greatest Hits.

[10] Apache “Gangsta Bitch”

One-hit near-wonder, Apache delivers a personal ad (SBM seeks Gangsta Bitch for fun and carjacking) for a rough-around-the-edges hood-gal. This on-theme ditty features the rhyme-sayer using the phrase “Gangsta Bitch” about 412 times.

[Bonus Ban] Kanye West featuring Matt Parker and Trey Stone "Gay Fish"

Kanye wants to find Nemo. Then bang him.

What other songs should’ve been banned at prom? Comment below!