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Toasting the Golden Globe winners

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Blogwatching the Golden Globes (it's not liveblogging if it's tape-delayed, right?) We forgot to write down times, but trust us, this is (mostly) chronological. We blogged the red carpet, too.

Supporting actor starts things off: George Clooney for Syriana. Clooney's acceptance speech: "I thought Paul Giamatti was going to win. It's early -- I haven't had a drink yet.... I want to thank Jack Abramoff, I don't know why, just because. Who would name a kid Jack when their last name ends in 'off'?"

Supporting actress immediately follows: Rachel Weisz takes it for The Constant Gardener. Her speech has no drinking. Best supporting actor on a TV series/miniseries goes to Paul Newman, who is not there. Hello in Connecticut, Paul!

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Wowsa, the new Superman is pretty darn cute. And he's got a killer voice. He and Teri Hatcher are announcing supporting actress on a series/miniseries: Sandra Oh takes it. Too bad she's wearing a big beige sack. She's seated so far back that she has to dodge and weave to get to the stage. "I think someone set me on fire!" she stutters. "This is fantastic! Look at all you people!"

That's what makes the Golden Globes OK: the shock of genuine emotion, or at least unusually unguarded Hollywood emotion. The table-hopping (Shirley MacLaine flashed a hand signal at Joaquin Phoenix. Maybe they do hang out!) The flowing champagne and the giddiness it instills.

Drew Barrymore is wearing a great forest green dress, but we would have included a bra in the ensemble.

Aw, some of these people have writers. Upon winning best actress in a TV series, Geena Davis tells a heartwarming story about a little girl who says "Because of you, I want to be president," then Geena slyly admits that there was no little girl. Funny. But it's too practiced.

Steve Carell is having a very good year. Oh wait, 40-Year Old Virgin was last year; looks like 2006 is pretty good too. He won for best actor in a TV comedy for The Office. His speech was obviously written by a comedy writer, but since he's a comedy writer, we'll let it slide. Or maybe it was written by his wife, as he claimed (she's a comedian, too.)

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Oddly, Tim Robbins seems to have the same hairstylist as Dominic Monaghan from Lost.

Jaime Fox mangles Laura Linney's last name for best actress in a (film) musical or comedy, but no worries. Reese Witherspoon takes it for playing June Carter Cash.

Best supporting actress in a comedy: Chris Rock announces it, and makes several jokes about how 4 of the 5 nominees are in Desperate Housewives. OMG, poor little leftover Mary Louise Parker from Weeds actually gets it. Woah, she says she has the best cast, and she "Just wants to make out with all of you." Which is nice, in kind of an ecstacy way.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers wins best actor in a miniseries for Elvis, which is likely a good sign for people playing now-dead singers who started at Sun Records.

We love S. Epatha Merkerson, who wins for best actress in a miniseries. "I'm 53 years old," she says in her acceptance speech. "This was my first lead in a film. I feel like I'm 16, but if I wasn't in the middle of a hot flash I'd believe that."

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Cut to commercial: The Sutherlands embrace! Kinda cool that father and son were both nominated. Keifer grew up with his mom, and was at one point estranged from his dad. (So we read People sometimes. Sue us.)

No surprise that Brokeback Mountain finally gets an award, for screenplay. Larry McMurtry! But writing partner Dianna Ossana does most of the talking. His speaking is far less beautiful and fluid than when he writes; bummer.

Desperate Housewives gets best comedy TV series. Gold statues for everybody!

Foreign language film, which is here toward the end because this is the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, goes to the Palestinian film Paradise Now.

Catherine Deneuve. She's still got it.

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Mariah Carey does the song nominees, which are all intolerable. Except for Dolly Parton, which of course has no chance when Bernie Taupin is in the mix. Look out, the Brokeback sweep is on!

Ow ow ow, the ads are killing us. Scarlett Johanssen is pimping L'Oreal. and Dire Straits' only marginally acceptable song, "Money for Nothing," which was full of spite toward music commercialization, has been used in a commercial. But not even the song itself, a bastardized version: "I want my MTV" has been transformed to "I want my MPG." It's a smorgasboard of sell-out.

Now the Anthony Hopkins tribute. Gwynneth narrates. Clips are excellent. Will there be a roar of applause for Hannibal Lecter? Yep, once they play the fava beans and chiatni line. Jeez, he thanks his agent right up front. This from a man who said, in 1998, "To hell with this stupid showbusiness, this ridiculous showbiz, this futile wasteful life." Now he says "this industry has been very good to me." Bah. Pap.

Best director is awarded by Clint Eastwood to (sweep alert!) Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain. Lee stumbles over his words. He wishes Tiawan, Hong Kong and China a happy new year.

Best actor in a film comedy or musical: Joaquin Phoenix gets it for Walk the Line. He looks like he's going to throw up. "Who would ever have thought I'd win," he says, "In the comedy or musical category." He thanks all the actors who worked with him, but he doesn't thank the crew -- not that you would, necessarily, but many other actors have. We have heard that the crew was instructed never to look at Phoenix while on set or they'd be kicked off. We loved the movie, so we forgive him, but that's not method, that's madness.

Renee Zelwegger hands out the best comedy/musical award to Walk the Line. Strangely, while the producer Cathy Konrad thanks the director, James Mangold, who also happens to be her husband, the camera never once looks his way, no matter how many times she gestures toward him. We got your back, Cathy.

Lookie, it's Leo! He's giving the award for best actress. Felicity Huffman gets it for Transamerica. She's not a starlet, she's over 40, she has to kiss the frog (Henry Weinstein) after they announce her name. In other words, she probably deserves this award. "The second time I didn't work for a year," she says, choking back tears, "I gave up every dream that ever looked like this," gesturing at the audience. "I can tell I'm boring you," she continues, "it'll get better."

Philip Seymour Hoffman gets some love, taking home the Best Actor in a motion picture drama for Capote.

The cowboys in love get the most love, finally, with Brokeback Mountain winning the Golden Globe for Best Picture. OK, we were going to let it slide, but since writer/producer Diana Ossana is back, we've got to say, let the hair fall on both sides of your head at the Oscars. The sidesweep has never, ever worked. For anyone.

While we're at it, we have another recommendation. Have something cool happen after the best picture announcement. Show clips of all the films/people who won, show some of all that table-swapping that happens during the commercials, show the red carpet in reverse as people file out and wait for their limos. Something. There's no denouement. There's no post-awards-ceremony bliss. Give us some bliss next year.