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Lindsay Lohan's Former Assistant Spills Stories To 'Cosmo'

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Lindsay Lohan (Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com)
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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be Lindsay Lohan's assistant? What's that? The very thought makes you want to run screaming for the nearest bottle of Xanax?

Fair enough. But if you can stomach the stories, Gavin Doyle, LiLo's former right-hand man, spilled it all to Cosmo this month. Here's a little look at what it's like to be responsible for one of the most irresponsible actresses in Hollywood.

First of all, you are constantly in a state of apologizing, because the LiLo is ALWAYS LATE, and...:

Gavin was the one who had to break the news to her producer and director when she was running late
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In order to avoid being the punching bag of every director and producer on the planet, Doyle had to act as a nanny might to an unruly six-year-old:

he'd head to a bagel shop in Beverly Hills at the crack of dawn to get her favorite breakfast of bagels and eggs, turn on all the lights in her room, noisily pack her bag, and play top 40 music or indie rock from her iPod.

Unsurprisingly, being a celebrity assistant means that shit will get all "Devil Wears Prada" on you sometimes:

But if something goes wrong during your time off, you're still on the hook—even if you have a date, are in the middle of dinner, whatever. "Other assistants I knew would get annoyed because they'd set everything up for the celebrity to go to a concert or amusement park on their night off. But then, at 10 p.m., they'd get a phone call complaining," Gavin says.

You also might get killed, or nearly killed, and then you might get blamed for your own near-death experience. In regards to the infamous Porsche incident:

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Lindsay rear-ended an 18-wheeler…with Gavin in the passenger seat. He got a giant cut on his right leg from broken glass, and when the police arrived at the scene, Lindsay allegedly lied to them at first, claiming Gavin was the driver.

For all of that, you will be paid a staunchly average salary:

full-time assistants are paid about $800-$1,100 a week.

While at the same time, you will begin to experience Stockholm Syndrome:

Gavin felt very protective of Lindsay
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Sound like fun? In order to apply, shoot your qualifications over to CAA or William Morris:

you can also send your resume to one of the big talent agencies

And then just wait for the phone call!