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LAist Film Calendar: The Egyptian Gets Medieval & The Nuart Gets Bitch Slapped

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Bloodied girls in tight clothes rule! | Photo courtesy of Epic Slap, LLC

The Hammer comes out swinging this week! Thursday, see Youth in Revolt - with your very own Michael Cera & Miguel Arteta! If the line's too long, hike it up to campus for another youthful, revolting picture, when Melnitz Movies hosts Australian Oscar submission Samson & Delilah and director Warwick Thornton. Sunday, Fly Away back to the Hammer for youth in rescue of geese - with a young Anna Pacquin (sadly not in attendance)! If that wasn't enough Hammer, UCLA's Film & Television Archive comes out slinging, with a series devoted to Billy The Kid & Jesse James. All classics, although for some strange reason, they omitted Billy The Kid vs. Dracula...

If the Western is much too modern, the Egyptian features a glourious medieval programme, sporting the legends of Robin Hood, Henry II, King Arthur & George Romero! Ye simply must bring ye whole family Saturday, when the Renaissance Pleasure Faire brings their finest food & wares to accompany Ireland's finest animation, The Secret of Kells. If these lords & ladies be too chivalrous for thy preference, get thee to the Beverly! Antichrist will rip any sense of equality from your body, and if you make it to midnight, Santa Sangre will obliterate any sense of sense from your brain. For an ever-so-slightly less offensive approach to misogyny, the Nuart has Bitch Slap, which is exactly what it sounds like, just with bigger breasts & more blood.

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Full list appears below. See you at the movies!

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Which is why I used both photographs of her. | Photo courtesy of Epic Slap, LLC

All Week
The Bicycle Thief (1949) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3)
Bitch Slap (2009) (Nuart Theatre)
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) (Laemmle's Fallbrook 7)
White Ribbon (2009) (Laemmle's Playhouse 7) (Laemmle's Town Center 5)
Youth in Revolt (2009) (Laemmle's Playhouse 7)

Thursday 1/7
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) / Robin and Mariam (1976) (Egyptian Theatre) (Kings and Queens, Knights and Jesters)
Antichrist (2009) / Hour of the Wolf (1968) (New Beverly Cinema)
Avatar (2009) (Arclight Sherman Oaks) (21+ screening)
The Lovely Bones (2009) (Arclight Hollywood) (21+ screening)
Samson and Delilah (2009) (free event w/ director Warwick Thornton and educator and preservationist Robert Rosen) (Melnitz Movies)
The Thin Red Line (1998) (w/ special guests) (Aero Theatre)
Youth in Revolt (2009) (free event w/ Michael Cera and director Miguel Arteta) (Hammer Museum)

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Friday 1/8
Antichrist (2009) / Hour of the Wolf (1968) (New Beverly Cinema)
Billy the Kid (1930) / I Shot Jesse James (1949) (UCLA Film & Television Archive @ Hammer Museum) (Two Western Myths: Billy the Kid and Jesse James)
Brothers (2009) / In America (2003) (w/ director Jim Sheridan) (Aero Theatre) (Jim Sheridan in America)
Conan the Barbarian (1982) (Regency Fairfax) (Insomniac Cinema Midnight Movie)
Fever Night (2009) (midnight screening) (New Beverly Cinema)
The Lion in Winter (1968) / Becket (1964) (Egyptian Theatre) (Kings and Queens, Knights and Jesters)
Sunset Boulevard (1950) (Nuart Theatre) (Cine-Insomnia Midnight Movie)
That Certain Age (1938) (Old Town Music Hall)

Saturday 1/9
The Beaches of AgnËs (2008) (weekend morning show) (Laemmle's Playhouse 7) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
Bitch Slap (2009) (w/ Eric Gruendemann, Brian Peck, Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivo, Ron Melendez, and Minae Noji at 7:30pm and 10:00pm screenings) (Nuart Theatre)
Box-Ur Shorts Awards Night (New Beverly Cinema)
La Danse (2009) (weekend morning show) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex)
My Left Foot: The Story of Christy Brown (1989) / In The Name of the Father (1993) (Aero Theatre) (Jim Sheridan in America)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (Sins O' The Flesh Midnight Show) (Nuart Theatre)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (Midnight Insanity Midnight Show) (Warner Grand Theatre)
Santa Sangre (1989) (New Beverly Cinema) (New Beverly Midnights)
The Secret of Kells (2009) (w/ Renaissance Pleasure Faire) (Egyptian Theatre) (Kings and Queens, Knights and Jesters)
That Certain Age (1938) (Old Town Music Hall)
The True Story of Jesse James (1957) / The Left-Handed Gun (1958) (UCLA Film & Television Archive @ Hammer Museum) (Two Western Myths: Billy the Kid and Jesse James)
Valentino: The Last Emperor (2008) (weekend morning show) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)

Sunday 1/10
The Beaches of AgnËs (2008) (weekend morning show) (Laemmle's Playhouse 7) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
Body Heat (1981) (w/ Bobbie O'Steen and Carol Littleton, A.C.E.) (UCLA Film & Television Archive @ Hammer Museum) (Film Editing: The Invisible Cut)
Elvis '56 (1987) / Jailhouse Rock (1957) (w/ Elvis' 75th Birthday Celebration and Francine York) (Egyptian Theatre)
Excalibur (1981) / Knightriders (1981) (w/ Ed Harris) (Egyptian Theatre) (Kings and Queens, Knights and Jesters)
Fly Away Home (1996) (free event) (Hammer Museum)
La Danse (2009) (weekend morning show) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex)
Monsieur Verdoux (1947) / A New Leaf (1971) (New Beverly Cinema)
Tintenherz (Inkheart) (2008) (w/ free Cornelia Funke book for every child) (Goethe-Institut)
Paranormal Activity (2009) (w/ live commentary by director Oren Peli and producers Jason Blum & Steven Schneider) (Aero Theatre)
That Certain Age (1938) (Old Town Music Hall)
Valentino: The Last Emperor (2008) (weekend morning show) (Laemmle's Monica 4-Plex) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)

That's all for this week. Hail to the King, baby.

Compiled, as always, by Edward Yerke-Robins (and family!)