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Celine Dion to Shit On Ennio Morricone at Oscar Tribute

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Music fans around the world are issuing a collective torrent of vomit after reading reports that French-Canadian pop crooner Celine Dion will sing a specially penned tune during the 2007 Oscar tribute to legendary Italian composer Ennio Morricone.Morricone, who has scored over 500 films and TV series, is known for his haunting musical accompaniments to such films as The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, Danger: Diabolik, The Mission, The Untouchables and Cinema Paradiso, among many others. For the tribute, which will be part of the 2007 Oscar ceremony, Dion is expected to sing lyrics that have been specifically written to accompany the score for Once Upon a Time in America, according to E!

A quick survey of Morricone fans revealed a steady stream of shock, dismay and horror. "Celine Dion sucks giant massive donkey turds," said Esmerelda DeQuango, 23, a high-stakes online journalist and self-professed film score aficionado. "Could they have found anybody who's less appropriate than her? How about Paris Hilton or Ted Nugent or that guy who sings the tagline for Ford truck commercials?"

Los Angeles-based couturier Sebastian Lucien Thoresen III, 42, who specializes in gentlemen's handkerchiefs, echoed those sentiments. "I know the Academy is run by a passel of senile, middle-brow toadies, but this is ridiculous even for them. Celine Dion singing an Ennio Morricone song sounds about as appealing as a pickle dipped in chocolate."

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The international response has been equally dismal. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!" was all Pierluigi Avellino, 56, of Florence could say.

DeQuango added, "Strictly out of curiosity, is the Academy deliberately trying to ruin their Morricone tribute? Or are they just totally clueless?"