Dispatch: AVN Adult Movie Awards, 1/10/09 (2/3)

This is the first year I have gone to the AVN awards and lost everything I was nominated for. It was sort of depressing. It kinda made me feel like I was the flavor of the month for a while and my month is over. I don't blame myself, and I certainly don't blame you -- I blame the stupid word "alt". If that word never came to be, then my porn would have just been considered porn and I would have never gone in style, and I would have never gone out. I don't really care THAT much. Of course, I care a little... but I care a lot less now than I did four days ago, and four days from now... I am sure it will all go away.

My boyfriend though, won male performer of the year. How strange, that the penis that I suck in the morning is critically acclaimed to be the most certifiably amazing cock in the world. I would act all giddy and excited and surprised, but I knew he would win. I have worked with, and hired all the "best" performers in the industry and he is better than the best. I am not just saying this because I love him... I swear. He is proficient in banging chicks. This is one of the first times I have seen all the other dudes who did not win this award fess up and say "he totally deserved this."

Anyways -- he can fuck on camera with no problem but he has some weird kind of strain of social anxiety disorder -- I think... and this rare form makes him freeze up in front of big crowds. But these big crowds don't matter when his penis is inside of someone. I have no idea. I am not a doctor...

Anyways, so I went on stage and accepted the award for Mr James Deen. I thanked the girls he fucked, the directors who hired him, along with some other people. I gave a special thank you to our friend Chico Wang who passed away -- he hired James a lot early on in his career and taught him a lot of things about performing. If I wouldn't have gone up there -- then no one would have gone up there, and male performer of the year is a big award. It would have been lame. People seemed to be entertained by my little speech. Someone told someone who told someone who told me that AVN thought this entire thing was disrespectful. I wanted this line to read "well I think it's disrespectful that this person won this award" but that's pretty tacky. It doesn't bother me that anyone else [won] -- it just makes me a little sad that I lost.