The Brief

If you talk to friends who are interested in dating, you’re probably hearing the same trope: Dating in L.A. sucks.

“He’s just a player.” “This person ghosted me.” “She unmatched me.” “Everyone is weird on the apps.” “He lives ALL the way on the west side.” The list goes on.

Lose the negativity 

It’s true, dating in L.A. — or any big city — can be tough. People often come to L.A. with high aspirations, and that doesn’t always include marriage and kids.

“A lot of people come to L.A. with a dream and the dream is not to get married and settle down and make babies and build a traditional life,” says Damona Hoffman, dating coach and author of the advice book, F The Fairy Tale. “That dream is always going to come ahead of your dating and relationship experience, at least to a point.”

But, she adds, she has plenty of clients who have found love in L.A. — be it online or IRL. But in this dating climate, you have to be a bit strategic.

The first step is to lose the negative script you might have about dating going on in your head. Instead, approach dating and love in the City of Angels with a little more optimism and openness.

“These stories that we tell ourselves, they really get in our head and they really get in our way,” Hoffman says. Don’t turn to horrible experiences as the only possible experiences — try to stop your brain from looking for that.

Healthy partnerships are not just important for our mental health, sense of well-being and security in life, they're also beneficial for our physical health. Studies show that a healthy relationship actually increases your lifespan.

Finding mister, misses or mx right is important for some. And one way folks are giving “love in a hopeless place” a shot is through speed dating.

Speed dating

Speed dating is kind of a rapid, round-robin approach to meeting people. We will get more into the “how” later but it has risen in popularity in recent years in L.A. and other major cities.

The idea is to create space for people to meet in person, in real life, and engage in face-to face-conversation — a rather novel concept in our hyper digital world.

There’s a number of places in L.A. where you can sign up for events — CitySwoon, My Cheeky Dates, LA First Dates — but on a recent weeknight, How to LA producer Megan Botel and I checked out a matchmaking event hosted by Love in LA in the arts district downtown.

There are speed dating events for people of all ages and gender identities but this one was for straight men and women, ages 21-35, held at a cozy French-inspired lounge.

There were all sorts of attendees from diverse backgrounds, varying ages hanging out before the event officially kicked off. Many people lingered around the bar, getting some liquor courage or snacks before the speed dating portion of the night. It seemed like folks were already meeting and getting to know each other.

We talked to attendees before they went off on their first date. One woman said she was eager to find a “real connection,” another said she just wanted to have fun.

Love in LA COO David Greenberg, being a good host, chatted with folks to help ease their nerves. He recognized a couple of familiar faces, past attendees, and welcomed newbies.

"It's way better and a lot harder than just swiping right or swiping left," he later joked. “No (online) trolls here."

That’s part of the message here, kinda like the anti-digital/app dating experience. It was a curated in-person event, with an agenda to find a connection, an Instagram exchange, a meet-cute or even a friend.

Brandon, a dater who had been here before but didn’t want to give his last name, said hanging out in person is better than texting.

How this night works

Each company is slightly different but typically you buy a ticket online for an event. If you are going with Love in LA, this is what to do: Folks will go to the website, pay for their $35 per ticket and fill out a short survey with answers that will seat them, ideally, with a good match.

Once at the venue, people check in and the host will figure out the women to men ratio in order to set up the rounds. (Greenberg says that usually more women attend the straight events.)

Attendees have seven minutes with each date, with 10 rounds or so. The host will ring a cowbell that will signal the next round and folks can choose right away if the person was a match or not. This is done via an app that Greenberg created.

At the end of the night, folks will receive messages about their matches and contact information.

The rest is up to them.

Speed daters mingle during an event put on by Love in L.A. in the arts district downtown.

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Megan Botel

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LAist

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The process is similar across all the events with a few adjustments. On another night, Meg and I also went to a speed dating night for gay men, ages 21 to 40, at The Belmont Bar in West Hollywood.

At this event, the guys’ matches are a little more analog. They fill out a profile before speed dating, the host creates seating arrangements and they’re given a paper with table numbers.

As they mingle, they write down the man’s name and turn it in at the end of the night — they must signal that they are interested in the John Doe they met. A couple hours later, the host sends them a message with their matches.

“It's a little bit different when we create the matches for any type of LGBTQIA+ event because it's not as binary,” noted Love in LA founder Andrea Ramirez. “When we're getting into the LGBTQ community, there's just a lot more variety and a lot of options and gender identities and gender expressions.”

There’s also preferences when it comes to the bedroom, and that can play a factor in dating.

At the gay men event, the crowd was also diverse — different ages, backgrounds, transplants and homegrown folks.

During a break, one attendee, Mike, said the setting wasn’t out of the ordinary, at least for him.

“I felt like this would probably be a great place to meet other working professionals that are also single and looking for something else in their love life,” he said.

Match or not, there’s still community to find

Regardless of background, there were definitely some commonalities across all the groups. For one, folks were speed dating because dating apps weren’t a great experience.

“During the pandemic, daters became very reliant on dating apps because it really was the only way that you could make a connection in many situations,” says F the Fairy Tale author Hoffman. “We really leaned into dating apps, but we're too reliant on digital communication.”

Within the LGBTQ+ community, online dating has always been popular. It’s easier to chat with people online when you’re still learning about yourself and aren’t able to express your sexuality as freely, Hoffman says. She’s referring to Grindr and Jack’d, and old websites like Adam for Adam and BGC Live that catered to queer sex and relationships.

But still, queer folks are craving different connections, away from the taps and apps.

“There has now been a sort of an outcry from singles that they really are craving that in-person interaction, and that has paved the way for speed dating to return,” Hoffman says.

Men and women try speed dating in a lounge in downtown L.A.

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Megan Botel

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LAist

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The other thing that seems clear: People were just having fun, meeting people and talking, even if they did not walk away with a match.

As Meg said about her experience at the event for straight folks: “It feels like community. Even if you don’t come to meet a guy, all the girls here … are single so you can bond over being a single gal and vice versa.”

Our 10 speed dating tips

As we mentioned, Love in LA isn’t the only company putting on these events. At least two people I know were considering going to neighborhood hangout spots to spend Valentine’s Day and try out speed dating.

After Meg and I hung out at our two speed dating events, and chatting with Hoffman, Greenberg and others, we put together of a list of things to think about if you want to try it yourself.

1. Try to be relaxed as much as you can, but limit the amount of alcoholic drinks you consume — be present. 
2. Have fun — even if you don’t walk away with someone’s digits, enjoy the moment. 
3. Don’t have food in your mouth during the speed dates — no one wants to see that.
4. Think ahead of time about a few fun facts about yourself you’d like to share. 
5. Be eager to learn about others. Come prepared with what Hoffman calls “curiosity questions.” 
6. There might be a prompt card on your table, don’t be afraid to use it.
7. Everyone is there for connection; you’re not alone in your mission.
8. Don’t put too much pressure on the first date!
9. If you go out with someone from the event, Hoffman suggests building your first date around an activity, like hiking or a trip to the pier (Cheesecake Factory or not, she warns against going to restaurants on first dates). 
10. Be yourself — that’s self explanatory.

How to LA producer Megan Botel contributed to this story.

Lines stretched around the block Sunday at the Original Saugus Cafe in Santa Clarita. It was supposed to be the restaurant's last day before closing after 139 years — making it the oldest continually operated restaurant in Los Angeles County.

But earlier this week, a sign was posted on the door saying, "Reopening under new ownership soon," although there were few details about who would be running it.

The sign was a surprise to the Mercado family, who have operated the restaurant for nearly 30 years. The family now is in a legal dispute with the Arklin family, who owns the property, about the potential re-opening and who owns the historic name.

The background

Alfredo Mercado worked his way up from bartender to restaurateur, purchasing the business in 1998. Since then Mercado and his daughters have operated the restaurant, leasing from the Arklin family. For most of that time, according to the Mercado side, the two families maintained good terms. Property owner Hank Arklin Sr., a former state assemblyman who owned other properties in the area, kept a verbal month-to-month agreement with the Mercados — no written lease required.

That changed when Arklin died in August at age 97.

New terms, failed negotiations

Larry Goodman, who manages multiple properties for the Arklin family's company, North Valley Construction, took over the landlord relationship. In September, the Mercado family say they were presented with a new written month-to-month lease.

Yecenia Ponce, Alfredo's daughter, said the new terms included various changes to the existing agreement, including a rent increase and charges for equipment.

Months of back and forth negotiations about different options, including selling the business, ultimately fell apart. Their attorney, Steffanie Stelnick, says they are being forced out, without proper legal notice, and has sent a cease-and-desist letter to Goodman saying the family has plans to continue running the business.

LAist reached out to Goodman for comment repeatedly Wednesday and Thursday by phone but did not hear back.

Goodman told The Signal, a Santa Clarita valley news outlet, that Alfredo Mercado had changed his mind several times in recent weeks about keeping the business.

“I said, ‘Fine,’ then I got out and got someone to take it over,” Goodman said.

He said he'd been in contact with Eduardo Reyna, the CEO of Dario's, a local Santa Clarita restaurant, and that the cafe could re-open as soon as Jan. 16.

Who owns what?

The dispute also focuses on who owns the rights to the Original Saugus Cafe name.

Ponce said when her father purchased the restaurant in 1998, it was called The Olde Saugus Cafe, but the name was then changed to The Original Saugus Cafe. State records show that name registered as an LLC under Alfredo Mercado.

After Arklin’s death, however, the Arklin family filed a pending trademark application to lay its own claim to the name.

The Mercado family is resisting.

"As long as they don't buy the name from us, we're not handing it over," Ponce said.

Ponce said the family had no idea the landlord planned to continue operations.

"We truly did think we were closing," she said. "We were not aware that they had plans to continue."

She apologized to customers for the confusion.

Whether the decades-old restaurant name survives — and under whose control — may ultimately be decided in court.

Community leaders and politicians in Los Angeles are responding in outrage after an ICE agent shot and killed a woman in Minnesota on Wednesday.

The fatal ICE shooting of 37-year-old Renee Good has sparked anger and fear in Los Angeles, which has been an epicenter of federal immigration enforcement since the summer.

Jorge-Mario Cabrera with the Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights, or CHIRLA, says the killing was upsetting but not surprising.

" Los Angeles has been witness of the escalating aggressiveness of these federal agents against the community," he told LAist.

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has defended the shooting, saying Good was trying to run agents over with her car. That account has been disputed by eyewitnesses, the mayor of Minneapolis and other officials. Bystander video also challenges the federal narrative, according to MPR News.

L.A. politicians have joined a chorus demanding justice for Good. Mayor Karen Bass posted on X, saying that ICE agents are waging "a purposeful campaign of fear and intimidation" on American cities.

"The senseless killing of an innocent and unarmed wife and mother by ICE agents today in Minneapolis is shocking and tragic and should never have occurred," she said in the post.

L.A. County Supervisor Janice Hahn called on Noem to withdraw ICE from U.S. cities.

“These ICE agents are undertrained and trigger happy and everyone who has seen this video knows ICE murdered this woman,” she said in a statement.

Some protesters also gathered outside the federal building in downtown L.A. Thursday morning to condemn the killing.