When Gwen Vogelzang was struggling with the pain and grief of infertility, she longed for spiritual comfort to help her "stay centered and not spiral," she says.
But she wasn't sure where to find it. As she became a parent through adoption, the challenges she faced advocating for her neurodiverse kids made her feel alienated from her religious community. Finding a new and lasting church community proved difficult after a cross-country move and a pandemic.
As parenting continued to test her in new ways, Vogelzang, who is based in Grand Rapids, Mich., began forming her own spiritual rituals. To stay grounded, she focused on being present while doing everyday tasks, like washing the dishes. To feel connected, she paid attention to the natural world, like the birds outside her window.
" Spirituality to me is being able to sit in my sunroom and feel the sun on my face and a sense of calm because my ego is not in charge," she says.
Your spiritual practices are a deeply personal endeavor that you have the agency to personalize, says Aizaiah Yong, an associate professor of spirituality at the Claremont School of Theology.
That's because spiritual rituals, including religious ones, are "living, not a closed loop," Yong says. "We get to add or change them to bring meaning to our lives."
Whether you already believe in a particular faith or are trying to tap into your spirituality outside religion, these questions can help you create your own spiritual practices. Grab a pen and a notebook and settle into a cozy nook to answer these prompts.
Question 1: What does "something greater" mean to you?
Although spirituality can be experienced in different ways, spirituality is often defined as a personal connection between you and "something greater than yourself," says psychiatrist Anna Yusim, author of Fulfilled: How the Science of Spirituality Can Help You Live a Happier, More Meaningful Life.
So, consider what that "something greater" is to you. "For some people, that's God; for others, it's collective consciousness or values like faith, love, trust and perseverance," Yusim says.
This means that spirituality can be felt by both religious and non-religious people. You might believe in a religion, but not necessarily feel spiritual. Likewise, you could be very spiritual, but not religious.
Question 2: Where do your spiritual beliefs come from?
In order to connect to something greater, Yong says it's important to know who you are. He asks: "How do you build a meaningful relationship if you don't know yourself at all?"
Examine your spiritual history and influences. What early connections did you feel to something bigger than yourself? It can help you identify which rituals and connections you want to keep, let go of or explore.
Yong's own spirituality, for example, is informed by his blended upbringing. His Chinese Malaysian father was raised Buddhist and his Mexican American mother was raised Catholic, and he grew up visiting Hindu temples and Buddhist meditation circles.
Although he is now an ordained Pentecostal Christian minister, Yong says he practices his faith "interreligiously." He draws from his Buddhist and Catholic roots to experience a relationship with God.
Question 3: What activities connect you to your spirituality?
Think about experiences you've had in the past that have made you feel close to your "something greater." How might you incorporate them, as rituals or traditions, into your life? These practices might be religious, like praying or fasting; or secular, like going for a walk in the woods or writing in your journal.
Rayna Jhaveri, a musician, chef and writer based in Cambridge, Mass., has spent decades thinking about her own spirituality. She says she primarily experiences it when "listening to, playing and making music."
So as part of her spiritual practice, she participates in singing circles in her area where people gather as a group to sing songs that lift each other up.
If you're wondering what sets a spiritual practice apart from any regular activity, Yong offers guidance. "Our spiritualities are about remembering connections" to our neighbors, our community and the Earth, he says.
Any practice that focuses solely on your own individual happiness, like picking up a new hobby, exercising or socializing for the sake of self-improvement, "falls short of what we can live up to as human beings," he says.
Question 4: What else can you do to strengthen your spiritual connection?
As you reflect on your spirituality, you might feel drawn to trying something new and deepening your spiritual practices in a more creative way. So take a moment to think about where you might find guidance and inspiration.
If you're religious, you may find new practices within your own faith. Yusim says you can ask yourself: "What can I do to take my faith to the next level? Is it to get a mentor? What does prayer mean in my religion? Is it to be able to pray in a different way?"
You might also pick up secular practices that aren't traditionally part of your religion's teachings. Maybe you'll treat a physical activity like swimming as a spiritual ritual, or find inspiration from other cultures, like creating an altar to your ancestors.
If you are curious about trying cultural rituals you didn't grow up with, take care to ground your interest in personal relationships, Yong says. For example, if you want to explore meditation in the Buddhist tradition, get to know someone at a nearby temple or center first.
"If we really want to take the diversity of the world seriously, and the ways these practices are passed down, then it's important to be in relationship with the communities they come from," he says.
It won't always be easy to figure out your spiritual practices, but that's part of the journey, Yong says. "You'll never regret being connected to your own life and being true to the questions and longings that are there."
Your turn: What does your spiritual practice look like?
How do you practice or think about your spirituality? Is your spirituality tied to religion? Or are you building a spiritual life apart from religious faith?
Email lifekit@npr.org with the subject line "Spirituality" along with your full name, and we may feature your response on NPR.org.
The podcast episode was produced by Andee Tagle. The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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