David Duchovny, Sex Addict. Aw Baby - Come Over Here.

Oh, Duchovny. Yale-educated, deadpan funny, strangely-hot Duchovny. You have checked into sex addict rehab, and it is a shame, a crying shame.

We feel bad for your wife, the hot-and-smart actress Tea Leoni. We feel bad for your kids, because nobody wants to think about a parent having sex with anybody.

But mostly, we feel bad for ourselves. David. David. You have a sex addiction? You must have sex with many women? Don't lock yourself up -- we can help. We're at your service. We'll be orderly, form a line, wait our turn. We are pretty sure there is a near-endless supply of enablers who'd be happy to take a turn at some no-obligation Fox(y) Mulder love.

The only people we don't feel bad for are the execs at Showtime, who've got you starring in Californication; the show seems to dovetail nicely with your fall from grace.