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Simply Wrong Food: IHOP's Holiday Pancakes
With the passage of the Santa Monica smoking ban, I thought it was time to write a how-do-ya-do from my new home on the road, Buenos Aires. Yeah, I'm still officially an LAist correspondent (I slept my way out of getting invited to the parties, so they don't know I'm gone) but for the time being, my party's taken a drift southbound, and I can't say I'm sorry.
Despite what some jerk in the Martini comments wrote about the smoking ban here in BsAs, it's neither all-inclusive nor repressive in the way any similar ban is in the US. For instance: Its level of enforcement is widely expected to vary from one season to the next, depending on temperature and humidity. Remember: Laws, like architecture and Jacuzzis, are much more inviting when they're scaled to a human level. That the United States has become a Spartan orgy of ritual deference to authoritarian fiat may come as a shock to many people presently enduring it, but it couldn't be clearer from the table where I'm sitting, smoking a Cohiba.
But the world still revolves around the States, of course, and when there's not a massive protest, it's the Royal Family's doings that make the front page. From my vantage point, an apartment a scant six blocks from where the Bush twins are staying, I've been able to keep tabs on all their comings and goings, known to virtually every waitress and taxisto in the city.
Our driver said they went to the Boca match today. And they're staying at Home, a local hotel roughly level with the Standard, in Palermo Hollywood, the equivalent to Silver Lake. They bought clothes in the Plaza Serano a few days ago; and there was a fake fire staged by the authorities (inexpensive here) to cover their tracks at a restaurant in the Plaza Armenia. (This is what Joe Goldman is coyly referring to in his "up close" piece, although most locals strangely still believe there actually was a fire nearby).
But after downloading Borat and reading the news today (oh boy) it's hard to think of any message I could deliver them to take home to their daddy that would be worth risking life and limb to put across -- at least no message that would ring in his ears for the rest of his natural life (dig, Vladimir) like the Judgment of History or the collapse of the society under his stewardship. So unlike the locals, who are much more curious and less vindictive than you'd expect from a group who've been roundly fucked sideways by their northern counterparts, I've got no more interest in the case than simply stating what ABC News decided to censor, and moving right along.
That said, and on a purely personal level, I have to say I've never been so happy in my life. Leaving America has been like having an incredible weight taken off my shoulders. The stupidity, the rank tedium and repetition of advertisement and capitulation, of indoctrination and inaction that made up our daily bowl of televised, prescribed opium in the States has melted away; we're left with a crystal resin, an appreciation for what the human mind can do with architecture when no corporate entity has made postmodern fiasco from every possible use of space; a will to work and to pleasure in the open air, a lust to wine and love and learning and listening and fucking in public places; hearing the voices of, becoming a part of, subsuming oneself to a people who are barely noticed and whose thoughts are neither known nor understood by anyone back home who could even place the place we're living on a blank National Geographic map of the world. To Americans, the word "freedom" is a football team, a new car, at best a trip to Florence or the Bahamas. Maybe, for a rebel, it's the freedom to smoke a cigarette within twenty feet of the sidewalk, or to stay out after curfew (remember? There never used to be a curfew when it was a free country). Maybe it's the freedom to organize without being arrested or the freedom to have an attorney when you are; or the freedom to talk on the phone without being listened in on, or the freedom to be in bed with your wife and not be burst in upon by the police. And those are battles that are being fought and will be lost by the few people who still have an inkling, some tiny understanding, of what they think it means to really be free. But give up your nation; give up your home; have all your things stolen and pack what's left in a suitcase. Live in a Motel 6 until you've got it together to get clear of that fucking country, that prison, that shithole. And go anywhere else. And wake up when you want to; go to bed at noon. Free yourselves and the whole terrible nightmare of fluorescent-light regimen will fall away from your eyes like leaves in a southern summer breeze.
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hey this is great Josh! thanks for checking in with us. Feel free to give us more updates as you see fit!
Is this post a joke? this is the most cliched OH MY GOD I'M ABROAD!!!! essay i have ever read. and yea i have been to BA and i also hate george bush. pathetic. this is like the shit you would read in a college newspaper
LA BA,
feel free to write something better then.
you know, put up or stfu.
WOW.... you have REALLY thin skin. thanks for addressing the substance of my criticism! you can try to zing me all you want, but that essay was fucking terrible. that is literally the kind of crap that kids write when they do a semester overseas: "new country = AW3SUM, U.S. = teh SUCK."
also, according to your logic, if i don't like a movie, i have to make my OWN movie on the same subject matter before I can complain about it? you're an IDIOT.
Good on ya Josh. Have fun! Don't sleep on Boca as a neighborhood, not just for soccer. Not the safest place but make friends and you'll learn a lot about the real BA.
on the contrary, it wasnt my post, and my skin is just fine.
you were the one who said the post was crap, you were the one who said youd been to BA and as for the substance of your bullshit, all you said was it was cliched.
therefore, please bless us with your wisdom and insight of your journey.
however if you think that writing a short essay is the equivalent to creating a major movie then i can understand why you remain a negative anonymous commenter, the lowliest, gutless cretin on the internets.
josh left LA, moved down south and gave us his take. if you have a better take, or can provide an example of how our contributers should be writing, please show us your shakespeare.
but something about your comments tells me you can dish it out but you can't write. which is typical of your kind.
bla. if you don't want to discuss the actual article, then you are wasting my time. challenging people to essay writing contests is just a way to deflect criticism / discussion.
also, i know it wasn't your post. but nice double-zing intro attempt lol.
knew you couldnt write.
so you are saying that you like this blog entry? are you even willing, as editor of this site, to criticize it? if not, why do you post in comment threads? at least i have an opinion. you are just lurking around as editor knocking down people's comments without taking a stance of your own. do you realize that the reasons the ideas in this blog entry suck have nothing to do with BA?
also, here is a nice bit of logic for you. the degree to which i can or cannot write has literally nothing to do with how shitty this blog entry is. can your wrap your head around that?
coward.
=D
Ban on smoking? yeah right.. they've been saying that every year when I lived there. What is it with BA (or Argentina) nowdays... 2 years ago I had to walk with a f#%* map to tell people where I was from... Anyway... have fun. Go to Cafe Tortoni, Recoleta, Palermo, Los Inmortales Pizzeria (no comment), eat pasta pretty much anywhere, and drink from the huge underated variety of wine that was always there and cannot be found in the US (Chilean wine is found everywhere but not Argentine; maybe is because Chile helps the US on every war unlike Argentina). Keep smoking anywhere. Oh... and Yankee means American over there.... not in a bad way.
as Editor of LAist if i don't like a post i don't let it on the site.
if you call working "lurking" then i'm the highest paid lurker in LA.
in criticizing the piece you attempted to knock it by saying it was something one would read in a college paper. i don't know which college paper you are referring to, but the one i wrote for was award-winning and many of those who i worked with are now editors and writers on some of the biggest papers and news organizations in the world.
however your slur was written to imply that writing for a college paper was such a piece of cake that anyone could do it. which is why i invited you to give it a shot.
instead you continue to write how "shitty" the post was without giving any specific examples or writing a better post about BA yourself.
all while remaining anonymous and lame.
if anyone is a coward and a lurker it's you.
because i think writing is easy for those who are educated and have something to say, i didn't think my invitation was out of line. because you're a cowardly anonymous dullard who probably hasn't left his mother's basement you'd much rather continue to dig yourself in a deeper hole than simply write something better than Mr. Strike.
in my opinion writing and commenting is similar to walking past a group of breakdancers. if while watching them you tell them that they suck, and if they challenge you to dance better and you decline, then you slink away like the loser that you are.
so either slink or write, but repeatedly saying "this sucks because it sucks" neither furthers the discussion nor advances your argument.
odds are you know that your take on BA would be as lame as your critique of this post, and you fear some anonymous asswipe hiding behind a fake name would cut you down worse than you attempted to do to Josh. And if that's the case perhaps you should think twice before slinging arrows at others who are simply trying to tell the rest of us what life is like outside of LA.
but please, either write about your experience in BA or step the fuck off. your entertainment value in these comments have expired.
lots of argentinians don't like chileans ---> falklands war
Yeah, I just wanna jump in here... not to try to validate anything... I appreciate Tony's judgement in alowing this to be published; I imagined it would ruffle feathers here and there, and that's why I write on LAist. There's frequent ruffling.
If it's really a question of phrasing that's caused the to-do, I guess there's not too much I can say for that; it's not an essay, it's more like a note to friends. I wrote it straight from top to bottom, it spell-checked okay and that was about it. Just to clarify, I'm not doing a semester abroad. I've spent a lot of time in BsAs before, but as a tourist or hosteler, never had much of an urge for carbon-copying others' experiences on paper. This is different, though -- my girlfriend and I have pulled up roots and left the US for good.
I do hope the substance of my prose makes up for what it lacks in style. But I can't apologize for the content. When the critics are ready, they're welcome to meet me down here for a drink and a close re-evaluation of their own life, and start their own blog.
"as Editor of LAist if i don't like a post i don't let it on the site."
---- ok, step in right direction. you don't ... not like the post. bold.
"if you call working "lurking" then i'm the highest paid lurker in LA."
--- arguing on internet message boards = ... working?
"in criticizing the piece you attempted to knock it by saying it was something one would read in a college paper. i don't know which college paper you are referring to, but the one i wrote for was award-winning and many of those who i worked with are now editors and writers on some of the biggest papers and news organizations in the world."
--- cookies on the house. i'm talking about the idea of a kid who gets a huge life boner over living abroad and sees his newfound home with adoring, naive, uncritical eyes. and then goes on a big tirade about why life back in the "prison" of the U.S. blows. but i'm glad you have prestigious friends!
"however your slur was written to imply that writing for a college paper was such a piece of cake that anyone could do it. which is why i invited you to give it a shot."
---- god, are we still arguing about this? the idea that all people who criticize content on your site have to write some kind of equivalent post is stupid. what if I had never been to BA? what would I do then? and I already told you that the post sucking has nothing to do with BA. and the idea that I somehow have some kind of equivalent post to write is bizarre. i mean really, i'm supposed to drop everything i'm doing, and in minutes, waste time creating some great essay for a hostile audience of one? also, i think you are totally overappraising the status of this blog post. this is basically just a post from a message board, given its own blog entry. the idea that I have to creatively defer to it by creating some self-styled essay instead of debating the ideas contained in it or arguing with you is ridiculous. i don't care about how great his writing style is, i am annoyed by the total douchiness of his sentiments. So lame that you consider your site’s arguments “art content” but my criticism of some dude’s opinions is hating.
"instead you continue to write how "shitty" the post was without giving any specific examples or writing a better post about BA yourself."
---- specific examples of shittiness:
"That the United States has become a Spartan orgy of ritual deference to authoritarian fiat may come as a shock to many people presently enduring it, but it couldn't be clearer from the table where I'm sitting, smoking a Cohiba."
--- OMG I'M SHOCKED. thanks for blowing my mind. that segment is really fucking pretentious and condescending.
"So unlike the locals, who are much more curious and less vindictive than you'd expect from a group who've been roundly fucked sideways by their northern counterparts,"
--- Hmm... yea it's not like Argentina recently fought a war with the UK or anything. and i'm not saying the U.S. doesn't fuck over latin america, but let's include everybody now.
"Leaving America has been like having an incredible weight taken off my shoulders. The stupidity, the rank tedium and repetition of advertisement and capitulation, of indoctrination and inaction that made up our daily bowl of televised, prescribed opium in the States has melted away;"
----- You have to admit this part is terrible. AGHGHGHG advertising, thank god there's no advertising in Argentina!! and of course all argentinians do all day is plan revolution. it's not like people watch dumb american TV shows there dubbed in spanish or go to work.. in some cases, creating advertising.
"a will to work and to pleasure in the open air, a lust to wine and love and learning and listening and fucking in public places;"
------- yea, that's all people do all day. this guy seems to be hanging out with people w/ either a lot of money or no responsibilities. and also seems to be smoking tons of weed. i bet day laborers in the city LOVE to "work . . . in the open air."
"hearing the voices of, becoming a part of, subsuming oneself to a people who are barely noticed and whose thoughts are neither known nor understood by anyone back home who could even place the place we're living on a blank National Geographic map of the world."
-- well the whole "I am becoming one with them" shit is pretty lame. also good to know that NO ONE back in the U.S. (who can even locate argentina on a map) knows anything about the country.
"To Americans, the word "freedom" is a football team, a new car, at best a trip to Florence or the Bahamas. "
--- Another huge, condescending generalization. it's funny how the author is immune to all these sucky things about americans. only he lives a pure existence free from material desires. also it sounds like some B.S. from "American Beauty."
"Live in a Motel 6 until you've got it together to get clear of that fucking country, that prison, that shithole. And go anywhere else. And wake up when you want to; go to bed at noon. Free yourselves and the whole terrible nightmare of fluorescent-light regimen will fall away from your eyes like leaves in a southern summer breeze."
---- This is the kind of person who pretends to be Canadian on trips to Europe. all other countries are AWESOME!!! sounds like fucking Morpheus. Am I supposed to hit play on my rage against the machine CD after reading this part?
"all while remaining anonymous and lame."
---- anonymous, yes. FUCK i forgot to discontinue the lameness though.
"if anyone is a coward and a lurker it's you."
----- i'll take the lurker tag. what i mean by you lurking around is that you're supposed to be the editor of this site but you're getting all tied up in message board arguments and trying to silence criticism of posts. why enable comments at all? at least i am giving my opinion.
"because i think writing is easy for those who are educated and have something to say, i didn't think my invitation was out of line. because you're a cowardly anonymous dullard who probably hasn't left his mother's basement you'd much rather continue to dig yourself in a deeper hole than simply write something better than Mr. Strike."
---- i still think your invitation was 1, stupid, and 2, phony. you know i'm not going to take time out of my life to create content for your site. so you know the argument is fake from the beginning. also the idea that i'm worried about "digging myself a hole" in this “grand debate” in Athens is hilarious. OH MY GOD but you totally got me about living in my mother's basement and being a dullard! who the fuck calls someone a dullard?
"in my opinion writing and commenting is similar to walking past a group of breakdancers. if while watching them you tell them that they suck, and if they challenge you to dance better and you decline, then you slink away like the loser that you are."
---- i think that is a pretty stupid comparison. you keep acting like writing a blog post is some kind of art form that i have to imitate. the guy just wrote some opinions about the U.S. and living abroad. ideas that could be the ..... start of a debate! quit trying to separate out this blog post as anything but some guy's opinions. i dont' care about his word choices and writing style. All he wrote was the first entry in a discussion board thread.
"so either slink or write, but repeatedly saying "this sucks because it sucks" neither furthers the discussion nor advances your argument."
------ um, no thanks. and the idea that i have to follow your ultimatums is again, hilarious. Can I walk away, or do I have to slink around like a pedophile?
"odds are you know that your take on BA would be as lame as your critique of this post, and you fear some anonymous asswipe hiding behind a fake name would cut you down worse than you attempted to do to Josh. And if that's the case perhaps you should think twice before slinging arrows at others who are simply trying to tell the rest of us what life is like outside of LA."
---- see other comments. i don't want to write for this site, don't have time, and the idea that i have to write my own shit instead of arguing is stupid.
"but please, either write about your experience in BA or step the fuck off. your entertainment value in these comments have expired."
----- god, you still don’t’ get it. This hasn nothing to do with BA or writing. step the fuck off? OMG IF I DONT STEP THE FUCK OFF MY 4 LAIST COMMENT POSTS MIGHT GET DELETED BY THE SITE ADMINISTRATOR!!!!!!!
Hey, look. That's a fair critique. But there is a qualitative difference in the approach people take to life here -- not only the rich -- and for all the problems that exist in this society, it's still a fantastic trade from the US, if you value things like social interaction and individual freedom. Maybe the whole world's a cage and there's no real freedom anywhere, but speaking only from personal experience, there does not seem to be the all-encompasing sense of fear, isolation and alienation from one's neighbors here that, to me at least, was a pervasive hallmark of every place in the US I've been, with the possible exceptions of San Francisco, New York and (old) New Orleans. The structure of the society and the physical landscape here are both oriented to force interaction between people of different classes, and what emerges is a body of real political debate, something one never sees at Starbucks, nor at bars in the US. Normal, working, middle-class people here don't waste nearly as much time watching television, and one never sees obese people sucking down giant slurpees and carrying children in backpacks strapped to their chests. Children here don't run around restaurants screaming; the people are more humane to each other and more aware of their obligations to the society around them. I believe it's healthier and freer. You're completely free to disagree and dismember my post; I'm not going to defend it line for line. I think you're wrong to slot me into the category you've chosen, but maybe you're more worldly than I am and have a better grasp of reality. I suppose people can make up their own minds as to whether I'm just a douche or what. I certainly wouldn't want your posts deleted.