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Water Bottle Ejaculator: The Jerk Off Must Pay $27K Restitution

michael-lallana-booking.jpg
Lallana's booking photo (Orange County DA's Office)
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Two furtive office tug-off sessions have wound up not only costing a Fullterton man some jail time, but now Michael Kevin Lallana, the 32-year-old convicted of secretly spurting his semen in a co-worker's water bottle, has been ordered to pay over $27,000 in restitution for his crime, according to the OC Register.Sentenced by the same judge who gave him 180 days in jail and to register as a sex offender, Lallana has been told he "needs to reimburse his victim for therapy and loss of wages after she left her employment following the incidents," as well as "repay his former co-worker more than $300 for her out-of-pocket expenses" related to his not funny two-time prank.

The victim had two experiences, four months apart, of returning to her desk to take a sip from her water bottle, only to find it tasted off. She had the second bottle tested, and a lab confirmed it was semen; DNA testing confirmed it was Lallana's.

Lallana attested it was a prank, and his lawyer argued during his Feburary trial he "had a narcissistic personality disorder and the maturity of a 16-year-old."

Regardless, Lallana's office-time "emissions" will cost him $27,410.80.