Support for LAist comes from
We Explain L.A.
Stay Connected

Share This

This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.

This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.

News

The Fake Debate

Before you read more...
Dear reader, we're asking you to help us keep local news available for all. Your tax-deductible financial support keeps our stories free to read, instead of hidden behind paywalls. We believe when reliable local reporting is widely available, the entire community benefits. Thank you for investing in your neighborhood.

George Bush and John Kerry finally crawl into the ring tonight to do rhetorical combat in one of the most important, historic, meaningful, stupendous, and all-around spectacular television events of all time!!

Or so we've been told.

In truth, this thing is as scripted as "The Apprentice" and as dramatic as "Lost." With the campaigns having signed a memorandum of agreement that has more stipulations than a Van Halen backstage contract rider (post David Lee Roth, alas), tonight's debate will have all the spontaneity and life of an Orrin Hatch house party.

Support for LAist comes from

This "debate" would more accurately be described as a stream of alternating sound bites, with the candidates repeating whole sections of their stump speeches. We'll watch anyway (on the off chance that something substantive slips out), but most likely the debate will go a little something like this:

Bush: Strength. 9/11. Nucular [sic].

Kerry: Well, as the great man Plutarch once remarked, whose writings I studied during free moments in my swift boat, and who is, while profound, somehow not convincing as judged strictly on the ontological soundness of his arguments...errr, I mean to say, "Strength."

On second thought, maybe we'll just pop in our new Star Wars DVD instead.